Our emotions tend to ebb and flow like ocean waves. It would be so nice if they would just ask permission to come or go, but they don’t. They just do their own thing, and without any warning. Wishing our emotions were different won’t change a thing, so we need to do more than wish. We need to learn all we can about them and take proper action to manage them. If we take the trouble to observe ourselves, we will easily perceive how quick to change our feelings are.
A rebellious child does a lot of things without a parent’s permission, and just wishing that the child wouldn’t do that won’t change a thing. The parent must discipline the child to bring about change. The same principle holds true with emotions. They are often like rebellious children, and the longer they are allowed to do as they please, the more difficult it will be to control them.
My daughter, Sandy, and her husband, Steve, have eight-year-old twin girls. Steve and Sandy have studied parenting techniques and one thing they work with their children on a lot is self-control. It’s interesting to watch how it works for them. One or both of the girls may be behaving quite emotionally. They might be angry or acting selfish, and one of the parents will say, “Girls, let’s get some self-control. Come on, let me see self-control.” That’s the girls’ signal to fold their hands in their laps and sit quietly until they calm down and can behave correctly. It works beautifully! It will be easier for the twins, Angel and Starr, to manage their emotions as adults because they are learning to do so early in life.
I spent the first fifteen years of my life in a house where emotions were volatile, and it seemed normal to me to let them rule. I learned that if you didn’t get what you wanted, you yelled,argued, and stayed angry until you got your way. I learned how to manipulate people by making them feel guilty. I learned starting at an early age to be emotional, and it took lots of years to unlearn what I had learned. I encourage you to control yourself and teach your children at an early age how to do the same thing. If it is too late for that, then begin where you are now, because it is never too late to do the right thing.
I think one of the reasons why so many people are emotionally controlled is simply because nobody has ever fully explained to them that their feelings are merely one part of their being and should not be allowed to be their boss. We have to learn how to be led by the Spirit and not the soul. I cringe when I remember all the years I lived without knowing I didn’t have to follow my feelings. I did so many unwise things during those years. They were wasted years that I cannot get back, but I can help others by teaching them what I have learned.
The Bible says in Psalm 1:1 that we are not to take counsel from the ungodly. I believe that taking advice from our feelings fits into that category and is a big mistake. Feelings are simply fickle; they change frequently and you just can’t trust them. We can hear a good speaker talk about the volunteers needed at church and be so moved that we sign up to help, but that doesn’t mean we will feel like showing up when it is our turn to work. If we sign up and then don’t show up because we just don’t feel like it, we become people without integrity and our actions don’t honor God. This is a huge problem in our society today, and I believe than we realize. When we don’t keep our word, we know it isn’t right. And no matter how many excuses we make, it sits in our consciences like a weight. We may make an excuse for it, but it’s like sweeping dirt under the carpet. It’s still there, and if we do it often enough, the dirt becomes impossible to hide.
If we desire to walk after the Spirit, all our actions must be governed by principles. In the realm of the Spirit there is a precise standard of right and wrong, and how we feel doesnot alter that standard. If doing the right thing requires a yes from us, then it must be yes whether we feel excited or discouraged. If it is no, then it is no. A principled life is enormously different from an emotional life. When an emotional person feels thrilled or happy, he may undertake what he ordinarily knows is unreasonable and unwise. But when he feels cold and emotionless or melancholy, he will not fulfill his duty because his feelings refuse to cooperate. All who desire to be truly spiritual must conduct themselves daily according to godly principles.
We should always count the cost to see if we have what it takes to finish a thing before we begin it. If we begin and find we cannot finish, then we definitely need to communicate openly and honestly with all parties involved. Even if you have to call someone and say, “I commited to that without really thinking about it properly, and now I find I cannot complete it,” that is much better than just trying to ignore a commitment simply because you don’t feel like fulfilling it. Our emotions will help us commit, but anyone who finishes always comes to a place where she has to press on without feelings to support her.
Comment