"I feel the most loved and cared for when my boyfriend does literally anything that shows that he was thinking of me. Whether it's bringing me a small cupcake because it's my favorite color, doing my dishes while I’m in the shower, or surprising me with sushi after a long day at the office... it all goes a really long way with me." -Jennifer, 3 3
Women flat-out love being surprised.
Calibrated Surprises show that you are deeply aware of her and her needs. They demonstrate that you truly care about her. Feeling actively loved for women is like feeling respected and admired for men; it is integral to their internal sense of purpose. Women need to feel loved above all else. It’s the way to any woman’s heart. This passage hereby give some hints on creating calibrated surprises and how to deliver them.
1.Creating a Calibrated Surprise
Start by asking yourself the following questions:
What does she value most highly in her life and how can I give her more of it?
What is something that I could do for her that would help make her life easier?
When have I seen her the happiest, and how can I create more of those moments for her?
What things have I done in the past for her that really made her light up with joy?
Has she ever told me what makes her feel the most loved and appreciated? Have I given her that lately?
Write down at least five answers to each of these questions and then ask yourself “Which three of these things can I do within the next week that will have a positive impact on my relationship?”
It might take a few hours of planning and implementation, but the effect it will have on your relationship will be well worth it.
If you’re looking for some inspiration, check out these five ideas from my personal stash.
•Has she mentioned her sore neck/back/legs recently? Set up a candlelit room to giver her an hour-long massage (bonus points if you play relaxing instrumental music)
• Write her a short poem and leave it somewhere you know she will find it (it's totally fine if it's cheesy and terribly written-just make sure that it rhymes)
-If she is leaving on a short trip, pack a small teddy bear onto her suitcase as a surprise -Buy her favorite kind of ice cream and put a small note with a Power Compliment on it.
• Give her a quality gift that is appropriate to her or her hobbies (a new lens for a photographer, a pair of tickets to see her favorite band, etc.)
The more closely tailored you can make your Calibrated Surprise fit her needs, the better.
2.Delivering the Calibrated Surprise
There are two other important components in crafting your Calibrated Surprise.
First, if it’s a surprise that you think might be something that she will want some time to adjust to or prepare for, let her know in advance. The romance comes primarily from the fact that you have put forth the time and effort to do something nice for her, and not necessarily from the last-minuteness of the surprise. When in doubt, tell her about the surprise in advance.
For example, if you’re planning to surprise her with a date or weekend getaway, you should give her enough time to prepare for it. For a lot of women, having a romantic date night sprung upon them with less than thirty minutes to get ready sounds decidedly unromantic. Ditto for a romantic weekend getaway. And don't even think about trying to pack her bags for her. If you miss one or two essential items, it could very well ruin her weekend.
Second, remember to start small. You don’t need to plan a weekend getaway or any other grand sweeping gesture as your first foray into romance. Write a note, send a text, make a meal, buy a rose... just take one small step toward surprising your partner and you’ll be simultaneously stepping into your newly thriving relationship.
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