If the “it’s not the truth” state is where you find yourself in marriage, you’re encouraged to read the article about leaving the past behind you.
Part of the trick is not to take the things the little voice in your head as saying “the truth”. Remember the next time when you start feeling discouraged. Everything that everyone does or says is in support of experiencing something they value or an attempt to meet something they need.
Instead of giving in to what this voice is saying, pretend it’s a little childish calling out for help. That’s all this voice is really doing. Get to the core of what it’s saying by asking yourself: “what might I need that’s causing me to think this way?” “What is so important to me in the situation that I deeply want to experience?”
In other words, you should learn to be gentle with yourself. It’s important that you commit to taking the time you need in order to remain clear about what’s most important to you.
If you’re attempting to identify your values that are stimulating this little voice to complain, this activity is the best way for you to learn what you really hold most dear in your life and marriage.
Once you are very clean about what’s most important to you and have touched on what might be important to your spouse, it’s time to delve deeper.
A critical method of ensuring that you and your spouse’s values are honored is by removing what many couples describe as “power struggles”. Power struggles develop when each person in the relations is working hard at getting their way, instead of discovering what’s best for them as a couple. When you can eliminate these power struggles, you can start to experience real cooperation.
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