People didn’t date in biblical times. Dating as a socially accepted means of finding a mate has been around for less than a century. Before that, strict courtship rituals governed the path to marriage whom you married wasn’t even up to your most of the time. Falling in love before you got married or engaged is a twentieth century concept. Dating as we know it occurred after marriage. In college, I had an older professor from Japan whose marriage had been arranged. He made fun of modern dating, saying, “by the time you get marriade now, the fun is over. In an arranged marriage, the fun starts after the wedding!” No, that wasn’t a suggestion for you to set up an arranged marriage.
For the Hebrews and the early church, dating wasn’t an issue to be addressed in Scripture. Sex and marriage were, but not dating. When the Bible was written, a person basically had one of three options: remaining single, an amoral life with multiple partners or prostitutes, or an arranged marriage. There were courtship rituals in place, but nothing that looks like what we consider dating today.
The church has reached a difficult crossroads when it comes to pre-marriage romance. We no longer have rituals of courtship and arranged marriage to guide us every step of the way. This leaves a lot of room for error. It’s also spawned a whole range of opinions and advice on how to handle dating. One glance at the numerous books about love, dating and marriage suggests that we’re making a lot of this up as we go along.
Of course, there are biblical principles that are essential in dating. If you follow the biblical prescriptions for gentleness, respect, sexual purity and kindness, you are bound to make much better decisions in dating situations. Your head and your heart should be in Scripture at all times, but you won’t find specific guidelines for dating. Is it okay to kiss before marriage? The answer isn’t in the Bible tough the Song of Solomon sure gives us a clue. How about going out dates alone? Nope, not in there either. The Bible provides some crucial relational principles but doesn’t address the specifics.
This requires more decision making on your part. You can’t follow antiquated courtship rituals anymore. At least I don’t advise it. Asking a woman’s father if you can date his daughter without consulting her first might be a good way to never get a first date. You also don’t ahve a scriptural field manual that tells you how to behave in every situation. It’s up to you to be in prayer and conversation with your Christian community about these things. You’re going to have to think, talk, pray and be ready to make some mistakes.
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