Since neediness is all about sub-communication, the meaning behind your actions. Different people often express their meaning through different actions. So generally there are 3 different levels of neediness and Let’s take a look at three different levels of neediness and then make a summary on neediness.
Level 1: Needy
This guy is a needy man. He buys women he doesn’t know drinks in order to “buy time” to talk to them. When he does get the chance to talk to them, he brags about his job, his car, his apartment, and so on.
If he’s lucky enough to get a date with a girl, he texts her everyday. And not just any texts, but big, long, essay-like texts. He also sends “good morning” and “good night” texts.
On the date, he asks her where she wants to go. He wants to make her happy. He is too afraid to take charge and lead for fear that she might not like whatever it is he chooses/does.
The point is this: It’s not the guy’s behavior itself that is needy. Rather, it is what the behavior is communicating about him.
His behavior is communicating that he’s too emotionally invested in her. That he’s not a man with options. That he probably even feels inadequate, unconsciously (or perhaps even consciously) feeling that he’s not good enough for her.
He feels he needs to compensate, whether that he by buying her a drink despite not knowing her, driving her (or God help him, her friends) around, taking her on fancy dates, showing off his high-paid job, and so on.
Although all of these behaviors may not be traditionally classified as “needy”, they nonetheless come from a place of neediness and perceived inadequacy — and that’s highly unattractive.
Level 2: Somewhat needy
This guy isn’t as needy as the Level 1 guy, but he’s still somewhat needy. If a woman prods and pokes in just the right places, he can get defensive and insecure.
“You seem like a player,” she says.
“What? No. You know I’m not like that,” he says. Blah, blah, blah. He feels the need to go on idiotically justifying himself.
Which brings us right to the next kind of guy...
Level 3: Zero Neediness
The type of guy that women are really attracted to are the guys that have nothing to prove. The guys that give zero fucks.
If she says he looks like a player, a wicked grin possesses his face and he tells her that it sounds like she’s got an eye for talent. He has nothing to prove. He knows he’s the shit and he just bathes in his own awesomeness.
If anything, this kind of guy tests women to see if they’re good enough for him. And he’ll playfully tease her about this.
Summary on neediness
Get it? Don’t be needy. And, no, neediness isn’t just the obvious “crazy” stuff. It can come through in everything you do. It’s all about what your actions sub-communicate - the meaning behind your actions, what your actions reveal about you.
Being needy can be as simple as getting your feathers all ruffled up over something she says (such as the aforementioned “you seem to like a player” example). It can also be simply investing too much time, effort and emotion into her too early and/or without getting anything in return. (For example, don’t start acting like her boyfriend and driving her around everywhere, buying her stuff, and being her shoulder to cry on if she hasn’t even put out yet. And even then I wouldn’t recommend doing any of that sort of stuff)
Although neediness can come in all different shapes, colors and sizes, it all smells the same — and women can smell it from a mile away. So hopefully you now have a better understanding of this dreadful little creature known as neediness, because if you’re reading this book, you are certainly needy to at least a certain extent — no matter how small — and it repulses women.
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