Not all men suffer from the full spectrum of the nice guy syndrome. However, it seems that they always have at least one of the negative traits as follow: being sexually passive; being needy with women; being insecure in financial situation and sexuality-related aspects.
1 - Being Sexually Passive
The fact is most women enjoy sex probably as much as men do. However, women get mostly aroused first in their head. They love the idea of feeling desired or even sexually dominated by a man. On contrary, men are easily turned on visually and don't need much or any mental stimulation. We basically look at a naked (sometimes we don't even need that) woman and our Willy immediately lifts up and is ready for action!
This means women get aroused slower than men do because it happens first in their head. This is the reason why women love romance erotic novel books like, “Fifty Shits of Grey”. Even though the book is poorly written, it was still a best seller!
Don't you think that says a lot about women’s sexuality?
Indeed! Despite the fact Christian (the main persona) is an obsessive dominant and sadist man. His biggest turn on is to spank the living shit out of his girlfriend with a whip and use other little crazy toys. Women love this shit! They love it so much that the author E. L. James sold 125 million copies worldwide by June 2015. Of course not only to women; but they were certainly its main customers.
I am not saying women want a man to be like Christian. See they may get homy with the idea alone, but that doesn't mean they want to experience it in reality.
However, one thing you can easily conclude is that they don't enjoy sexually passive men. Because well, Christian was far from being that! Actually, it may as well be one of the biggest turns off for them!
And that is one of the hugest mistakes nice guys do. Often they are simply afraid of showing and getting sexual with wornen. Instead, they masquerade their sexual intentions by looking friendly and uninterested on them. Probably hoping women will like them and eventually take initiative, or waiting for the perfect moment which may take years to confess their profound love.
But as I already said, women expect men to take initiative. So waiting is never a good option. And by being sexually passive, men also kill their attraction levels. As women tend to lose their interest as time passes. In a way, their nonsexual behavior doesn't entice women to have naughty thoughts about them breaking their bed in half.
2- Being Needy With Women
Often nice guys will make women their life priority and forget about themselves in the process. The reason guys are needy is because they are seeking women's validation. This may result in:
1. Men being overly nice with women hoping somehow they will reward them. Usually, they avoid pushing their wrong buttons, tolerate disrespect and all sorts of bad behaviors from women. Men often do this expecting women to reward them with sex for being such nice little boys.
This is very different than being more sexual as I already mentioned before. This involves being honest about your sexual desires and not pretending to be overly nice in hopes you get something out of women.
2. In relationships men stop hanging out with their friends. Thinking by spending their entire time with their girl. Whether she demands them to stay or not, that hopefully she will want them more. However, this actually works in the opposite direction. This attitude only shows to women that their man doesn't have courage to stand up for them, nor do they have a life.
If you have this issue then what can you do to stop being needy? Easy! Just start focusing on yourself. I mean, continue going after your career or business goals, hanging out with your friends, exercising, trying new stuff, etc. In other words, live for yourself.
One thing doesn't stop another. You can still love women and spend quality time with them. However, never forget to love yourself more. This is done by focusing more on your life than you focus on them.
In case,your life is monotonous now then don't worry! I will later share a couple of tips to help you out.
A lot of men are needy with women because of this. They often think women will bring more excitement, fun, love or whatever they feel they miss in their life. This automatically makes want something out of women, therefore, making them needy.
However, the fact is women aren’t responsible for that. Instead, you are! If you feel your life is boring then you got to make it more exciting. If you want others to love you, then you got to love yourself first. It doesn’t work any other way. If you don’t love yourself, then is there any good fucking reason for a woman to love you? Of course, not!
The other part about being needy is men commonly elude themselves for instance:
After their honeymoon phase is over, they may start getting bored with their new girlfriend. But in reality, their boredom has very little to do with her. But rather all to do with them. Instead, they are bored with their monotonous lifestyle.
This is the reason why it is so important for you to always focus on yourself. The fact is women should only be part of your life and not your life main focus.
3-Being Insecure
Being insecure is the opposite of being confident. As you already know by now, confidence is one of the most attractive traits in a man.
The listing of insecurities men have would be enough content for me to write another two or three books. However, commonly it has something to do with their apearance, financial situation, or being uncomfortble with their sexuality. As a result men create all sorts of excuses for not being more successful with women, such as:
Appearance Related: “I am too short, fat, don't have six pack abs, or ugly and won't don't like me for that!”
Financial Situation: "Oh... women only date rich men!” or “I only get gold diggers because of my money.”
Sexuality Related: “Wtf! Yoga classes are for women!” or “ I don't talk to gay men because I may catch something harmful from them!”
Just a few examples. Although, deep down these are nothing more than insecurities most men have that are well hidden behind a thick wall of bullshit excuses. In reality, what is really stopping men from having women is not their appearance, lack of money or whatever. Instead, their insecurities and the excuses they make around them in a way to avoid facing their fears.
Because fear is really the problem here, nothing else. It has nothing to do with women. Rather all to do with men not feeling comfortable with themselves. And the reason they aren't comfortable is due to the fact that they are avoiding their fears.
When you start overcoming your fears, you instantly start feeling more comfortable with yourself. Or you could say, less insecure and more confident. I will later talk more about this in detail.
However, when a guy tells or more often jokes with me for going to Yoga classes. I always ask him, what's your problem? It's not that I care about his opinion and in fact, I already know what his problem is.
•He has no balls to go to a class nearly only -with women by himself. It makes him feel uncomfortable.
•He is afraid he will be seen has being less masculine and ridiculed by other men.
A few years ago when I heard other dating coaches speaking about this topic. I really didn't understand it. Especially what it meant to be uncomfortable with your sexuality.
I thought it was mostly around being sexual with women, which I really never had many issues. But nowadays, I get it!
Actually, I am pretty shocked to see so many men feeling so damn insecure with their sexuality beyond other things.
The fact is this not only reduces their attractiveness levels. But it also stops them from living the way they want and being truly happy with themselves.
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