Arguments and disagreements are nothing short of draining. They affect your mood and ultimately your ability to perform in other areas of your life. It’s especially taxing when the fallout of the argument lasts for an entire day or longer. But how do you deal with arguments and disagreements in your life? Are you willing to appologize for them?
In majority of the time, arguments arise from a simple miscommunication. The issue at hand can be so inconsequential but it is somehow allowed to take over your world.
Maybe you have had a hard time making it to the gym lately and so you make a comment about how you would love it if your partner went to the gym with you more often (which would help keep you accountable and make you stay on a more consistent schedule). She takes offense and accuses you of telling her that she is out of shape. What was already a potentially vulnerable request on your behalf is being attacked; you shut down because fighting over something so stupid feels irrelevant. Within seconds, you wish you hadn’t brought up your concern. As a result, you become less likely to want to ask for help in the future.
The biggest misconception I see from my clients is that apologizing is a sign of weakness.
The truth is, the inability to apologize makes you appear weak to your partner. It sub-communicates that you can't handle someone looking through the cracks in your armor.
But the “Alpha male” is a concept of the past. Strong, confident, community-minded leaders are taking over the world as the more heavy-handed rulers of the past fall to the wayside- and for good reason. Your partner doesn’t want you to stubbornly push ahead and pretend like you did nothing wrong. She wants you to be strong minded but egoless enough to admit that yes, you are human, and yes, you made a mistake.
Apologizing is not compromising your value or integrity. Apologizing is honest and authentic. Refuse to apologize (especially when you know you are in the wrong) is stubborn and emotionally guarded.
Women often hear communication from their partner through the lens of “Am I being loved right now?”
Men often hear communication through the lens of “Am I being challenged right now?”
We all make mistakes in our relationships (we are only human) and it’s critical that we know how to effectively and thoroughly apologize for those mistakes.
The beautiful thing about apologizing in a leading way is that there is everything to gain: having a greater sense of integrity, experiencing character growth, maturing emotionally, and relying less on ego-based thinking. Being seen as more attractive to your partner and making her happier aren’t bad side effects either.
Comment