Remember that it’s your problem, not theirs. If you want to bring up a problem that you are having, then you need to choose an opportune time when your loved one has sufficient time on his or her hands to sit down and listen. You also need to make it clear that you know it’s your problem. You can explain to your loved on that you are having a huge problem-even explain the reasons from the past that cause these feelings to keep on emerging and try to get their understanding and help relative to how you can stop yourself from feeling like that. Tell your loved one that you hate the idea of jealousy and know how unattractive it is, but you need his or her help to cope with feelings you can’t seem to be able to control.
If you have a strong relationship, your partner will want to reassure you. He or she will want to make you feel that you have little to worry about. Having discussed your problems, it would indeed be insensitive of your partner not to want to help. However, that doesn’t mean that you can expect your partner to change everything about his or her life to fit in with yours. You also have to work on your attitude and try and stem jealous thoughts because compromise means work by both parties, not just your partner. There has to be mutual trust and mutual faith in each other and in yourselves.
If you are going to broach the subject of jealousy, do it another way. Do not make it sound like jealousy. Ask yoruself why you are feeling the way that you feel, and then address the historical feeling by discussing this with your partner. For example:
I had a lot of insecurity in my past, and I am sorry it is spilling into our relationship. Can you help me through it?
Your partner may not even be aware that something is wrong, and this tells him or her that there’s something you need to sit down and talk about. Once you have gone this far, remember that any criticism of this or her behavior may drive your partner away. Make sure that your partner knows the weakness is yours, and ask for his or her help to overcome feelings that you may be feeling without adding criticism or obvious innuendo.
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