It's important to look at the reasons why you’re over-invested around women and have an honest discussion with yourself about it to try and resolve it. For instance, perhaps you're over-invested around women because you’re a virgin and have no experience with them. Then you need to look at how being inexperienced is causing you to undervalue yourself and seek validation. You must become comfortable with the idea of being inexperienced and be comfortable admitting that insecurity if you wish to gain a lot of experience. Or perhaps your ex-girlfriend left you for another man and you’re bitter. Before you can undo the anger that is causing you to be over-invested, you need to come to terms with why you’re angry and accept why your ex left you.
If you’re only trying to get women to impress other guys, then you’re not in a very good place, and you need to take a serious look at your motivations. To undo this, you must come to terms with why you’re seeking attention and approval from other men - maybe it goes as far back as your father- and then seek to find that approval through other means. Join a sports team. Take your co-workers out for beers. Buy season tickets to the local basketball team. There are much healthier ways to get male camaraderie than to try and impress other guys by getting girls.
Seeking the truth within yourself is a long-term progress. If you feel like you have some serious emotional issues or believe that for whatever reason you're basing an insanely high amount of your identity on how women respond to you, then therapy is strongly recommended.
Therapy has a lot of negative stereotypes and judgments that come along with it, but if you take the time to find a good therapist who you trust and gel with, then it can be extremely helpful. However,the important thing about therapy is to remember that it’s a tool, not a solution. A therapist is there to guide you and motivate you in continuing to find your own emotional truths about yourself. He or she can't find them for you. A lot of people show up to therapy expecting a therapist to magically fix them. They then get frustrated when all they do is “talk” and get asked annoying questions the whole session.
Be proactive in finding the emotional knots in yourself that you didn’t know were there before. You’ll discover some amazing things. That time the neighbor’ kids locked you in a closet all afternoon, or the time your mother went home and forgot you at the grocery store, or a parent’s divorce or death of a loved one - these all have emotional repercussions that can and probably will motivate you and drive you to over-invest in receiving validation from one specific source or another in your life.
Comment