A driving force for boosting a relationship’s level of emotional intimacy is something called Piercing Conversations. A Piercing Conversation starts with taking interest in her again, giving her the attention that she deserves, and setting aside regular time to have complete alone time with her.
What is a piercing conversation?
Brainstorm a list of questions that you want to know about your partner, but that you never figured out. To get you started, here are some examples of powerful questions you can ask to get a Piercing Conversation rolling:
Who in your life, currently, do you wish you were able to spend more time with?
If you could instantaneously have three new skills, no effort or training involved, what would they be?
What's something that brings you a lot of joy that you wish you had more time for?
Are there any activities that you have wanted to do for a while, but haven't been able to try?
What does your ideal weekend look like?
What little thing have I done in the past few months th made you feel really loved, that I might not have even realized that I did?
If we were to go somewhere new in the world for a week, where you want to go?
What makes you feel like you've come alive?
Have you ever seen something so beautiful that it made cry? What was it?
If you were to ask me what my favorite five things a your personality are, what do you think I would say?
As men, we are prone to being overly logical and orderly in our conversations. Women, on the other hand, feel relatively more at ease jumping between different topics. Don’t worry too much if the conversation doesn’t make too much “sense” to you as you are having it. Your intention is to keep the attentional spotlight on her as much as possible, encourage her to tell you more about herself, and retain as much as you can.
Let’s take a saying of Rachelle (27) for example: “For me, a really good, thorough conversation feels like sex. They are synonymous in my mind. I feel like my partner’s attention opens me in the same way that a good night between the sheets does. ”
Her saying strongly expesses how a piercing conversation matters to her inner feelings.
In the early stages of a relationship, your partner is new and exciting to you. Naturally, you spend a lot more time getting to know each other.
You ask probing questions on dates about her family, values, and childhood. You want to know what makes her come alive in her daily life. You're curious as to whether or not she envisions children in her future.
But after a certain point, conversations for many couples rarely ever penetrate the surface again. The result is that the emotional intimacy in a relationship can all but disappear.
What is emotional intimacy and why is it important?
Emotional intimacy comes from knowing the inner-most details of your partner's heart and mind. The intangible but obvious feeling of being so interconnected with your partner that you can look into her eyes and know her thoughts. You never have to ask if she's in the mood for sex because you can read it clearly written all over her face. You don't have to spend countless hours of passive-aggressive bickering before you realize that she's upset with you because you're already in tune with who she is and what she’s feeling in every moment.
From piercing conversation to intimacy
Every conversation has its destination, but the destination is no destination. The masculine in you will want to bring the conversation to a close...to wrap things up in a neat little package. But your feminine partner doesn’t want that in the slightest. She wants to talk, share, and explore. So if you keep focusing on the finish line, you are forgetting to enjoy the journey. The more you find out about her, the better.
The effects of Piercing Conversations are astounding. Sex comes earlier. Unnecessary fights cease to exist. She becomes your cheerleader and you feel supported by her complete and loving devotion to you.
Therefore, if you feel like and your partner have started to drift apart, or if you feel more like roomates and less like lovers, using this piercing conversations exercise will be a great way to rekindle your emotional intimacy.
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