Your ability to connect with a woman emotionally is proportional to how self-aware you are of your own emotional processes and motivations.
As described before, self-awareness and vulnerability will cause you to behave in a less needy manner, they give her the chance to know the “real you,” to trust you, and to open her own emotions up to you.
Ultimately, this is what most women want. If you look at romance novels — basically the female version of porn — they all follow more or less the exact same pattern: hard and rugged bad — boy type male hero is troubled but strong, and as he slowly opens up and shares his true emotions and desires with the heroine, she’s able to support him, to save him and ultimately fall in love with him. Of course, they live happily ever after.
This is more or less the blueprint of seduction: a strong, high status, attractive exterior (lifestyle and looks), fearless, and able to open up and share your vulnerable side with her. Women get weak in the knees for this shit. And it’s not even conscious most of the time.
All that’s required is a certain level of emotional self-awareness and vulnerability in your interactions.
And let me tell you, emotional connections are powerful. Far more powerful than any sort of tactics or tricks you may learn in other books. When you connect with women emotionally, they really open up to you in ways that you can’t imagine, your interactions and relationships with them become these rich and unique experiences that can never be replicated, the sex is far better, and all mind games, flakes and ambivalences goes out the window.
A lot of pick up and dating advice is what I call “attraction obsessed.” It has a constant, incessant harping on being the most attractive/alpha guy possible— usually by employing all sorts of tricks, games, tactics, techniques, manipulation and other falsehoods. Attraction obsession comes from a place of insecurity. It seeks validation. It’s needy behavior and therefore, self-sabotaging in the long run.
It’s not about attraction. She’s attracted to men all the time but doesn’t sleep with any of them or date them. Women actually don’t sleep with most men they’re attracted to because they would feel slutty or cheap.
Her feeling slutty or cheap isn’t about an “Oh, I put out on a first date,” thing. It’s not about number of dates, hours spent together, or how many dinners you bought her.
Feeling slutty is about sleeping with a man who doesn’t care about her or who hasn’t connected with her. If she doesn’t trust you or isn’t 100% convinced that you really like her and care about her, then she’s not going to do it. And if she does, then she’ll regret it and feel dirty.
So how do you develop deep and lasting emotional connections with women, connections that will blow your mind and heart away as well as hers too? Connections that will give you some of the best nights and sex of your life?
Glad you asked.
Here’s the basic pattern, and you should recognize a lot of overlap here with Chapter 2:
-Becoming aware of your own emotions, motivations and life story.
-Taking the lead by sharing those emotions, motivations, and life story first.
-Sharing first creates trust and encourages her to open up and share herself in return.
-Ideally, the more this goes on, the more personal stories become and the deeper the emotions are by which you connect.
For instance, take a simple conversation about music you tow like. She likes Empire of the Sun. You like the Empire of the Sun. Instead of just saying, “I really like Empire of the Sun,” you can expand and talk about why you like Empire of the Sun.
Instead of just, “I like Empire of the Sun,” you could say, “I love Empire of the Sun. They always remind me of my brother. My brother used to drive me to school for years, and he would blast Empire of the Sun every morning. Looking back, it meant a lot to me, my brother taking care of me like that. My dad was always too busy. So Empire of the Sun always reminds me of that. Those moments of appreciation that you don’t recognize until years later.”
Wow, that’s a little tense, right? That’s the idea. If you feel uncomfortable just reading that and imaging yourself saying something like it, then that’s good. That’s vulnerability. And ultimately, that’s what’s going to make you an attractive man who can emotionally connect with women.
Things can go even deeper as well. For instance, it’s one thing to talk about jobs. Maybe she’s a lawyer and came from a poor immigrant background. It may be obvious that she worked very hard and is very ambitious. You could relate to that by sharing how when you were a teenager, a couple of your best friends were injured in a car accident and how that affected you, scared you straight, and helped you become grateful for every day you have, how you started taking advantage of your time and potential and worked very hard to get where you are.
Whatever it is, open up about it. Challenge yourself to go one level deeper.
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