When you're together with your someone, your knees go weak. He is good-looking and romantic. He opens doors for you and protects you. You talk to your Mom about this great guy and your friends admire him. You start thinking about your future together, including the house, the kids and the two golden retrievers and you even envision holidays together and trips to Disney. He said all the right things. He said he loves you and he loves kids. He even whispers into your ear and tell you how sexy you are and how he can't wait to get you under the sheets. Then the texts stop coming and the plans are broken. At first you gave him the benefit of the doubt and his job is crazy or he has family issues.You made a few futile attempts to contact him but he escaped. The following are mistakes women often make in dealing with relationships:
Mistake #1: You were not a challenge
You have money, good looks, you treated him like gold and you are extremely intelligent. That’s great, but it is secondary.
You were not a challenge! You were all in and he knew it. You got a checkmark next to your name because he conquered you and then he moved on to the next woman. You did what came naturally to you. I understand, and I am not blaming you, but what you need and what he needs are two very different things.
The conveyer belt to manhood teaches men competition and challenge, remember? Provide this to a man and he will never leave you.
Mistake #2: Too much pursuit, too soon
Men need to take control. They ask girls out. They decide where to go. They control sex (they actually don't, but more on this later.) They propose. They solve problems!
Reverse this and men’s brains short out and smoke pours out of their ears!
This is not to be confused with asking him out in the beginning of your relationship. I’m not saying you can’t take control sometimes. No. But, there is a way to do this which keeps him in control. Sometimes, a man just thinks he is in control when really, you fooled him, but it’s okay...just learn how to fool him!
I feel like I’m repeating myself, but this again goes back to men’s roots—the conveyer belt to manhood. Nowhere are men taught to be controlled by a woman other than Mom. I am not being a chauvinist here, I am telling you how we are wired. You can fight me and listen to your girlfriends or you can embrace this concept and solve the man puzzle from the ground up.
Here are some examples of over-pursuit:
•Reminding him how great last night was.
•Making reservations at his favorite restaurant as a surprise to him on Saturday night.
•Asking if everything is okay when he doesn't contact you for a day.
•Talking and/or planning your future together on a regular basis.
•Dressing him and telling him what is best for him on a day-to-day basis.
I understand doing these things comes naturally to you. Your conveyer belt builds you into a nurturing and loving woman. Everything you do toward men makes sense to you. What you need to do, however, is save this nurturing for your kids and use it sparingly towards your man, especially in the early stages of a relationship.
A guy needs to pursue and you are pursuing him instead. You, in his eyes, are acting clingy and needy. Step back, phase in and out of being aloof and let him do his thing.
If you keep pushing a man toward his future with you in the form of planning dates and seeing where we are headed, he will head out the door. Pursue a little bit but then back off.
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