Love involves a seduction process and in this process, there is always something of a man make a woman attracted to. What makes women really attracted to a man? Let's see an example of seduction-story of Ryan and Jan, and look at the various factors going on in each one from a neediness point of view.
Story of Ryan and Jane
When Ryan was in college, he was a leading member of his fraternity. He was in charge of organizing his house's parties.
He was a gregarious guy and liked by most people. At one of these parties, he met Jane. Jane took an immediate liking to Ryan and the two began dating. Ryan would organize and throw his parties, Jane would come and bring her friends. They shared stories, experiences and interests. The rest of college went on like this.
After they graduated, Ryan took a job at a bank. Jane got in-volved in a local charity. Ryan’s social network disappeared and his long hours at work killed any desire for him to go out and make new friends. He began to spend more and more time with Jane. They usually just watched movies and shared a bottle of wine.
As time went on, Jane became more and more involved her charity events and began traveling to help with fundraisers. Ryan would spend this time alone watching TV maybe grabbing a beer with one of his old buddies, but it wasn’t the same. After another year, Ryan would openly complain to Jane about her trips. Jane obviously synthized with Ryan, but she felt pressured and resented for it. They began to fight more often. Ryan gained weight. Jane spent more time working away from home.
Ryan decided to plan a lavish trip for the two of them to the Caribbean. He could use the much-needed time away work, and it would infuse their relationship with the excitement and passion that it sorely needed. The trip returned the romance to their relationship briefly. But upon returning home, reality began to set in once again. Within a few months it was back to business as usual: him overworked and irritable, her distancing herself and traveling.
Ryan began talking about marriage. Jane was hesitant. She stated that her job was getting busier and she didn't know how much she'd be around to plan a wedding. Ryan had been saving much of his money to buy her a ring. Jane lamented that they were still young and hadn't really experienced much of life yet. Secretly, in the back of her mind, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Ryan was terrified of just that: experiencing life, and marrying her was just another way for him to escape it.
Dejected, a few weeks later Ryan began to complain that Jane spent too much time with her friends and at work. Indeed, Jane had been staying at work until way into the night, even on days when she didn’t have to. Ryan began pressuring Jane to move in together, but again she resisted, this time fervently. Ryan exploded, he had been giving up everything for her the past few years and she had been nothing but ungrateful. She retorted that Ryan had been suffocating her with his demands for attention and affection. Jane dumped him on the spot.
Enlightenment
The story of Ryan and Jane is an example of why it’s important to continue to invest in oneself even as life changes occur as the relationship goes on. It’s the only long-term solution keep long-term relationships stable and happy.
Ryan’s relationship with Jane failed because after he graduated from college, he lost and never regained the great aspects of his identity that made him so attractive to in the first place 一 his social network, his joy and spontaneity, the cool group activities he planned. As he got cornered a job he hated and lost his social circle, he began leaning on her more and more to define his identity for himself, vested less in himself and more and more in her.
Meanwhile, Jane flourished after graduation, quickly falling into a job she was passionate about and good at. She made new friends and began traveling and having new experiences on her own. As Jane became less invested in Ryan for her identity, Ryan became more invested in Jane, growing needier and needier. Eventually, the dynamic of investment shifted and the relationship toppled over.
Women are attracted to a man they can respect, to whom they can trust. If you're constantly looking for approval for what to say and how to feel, how could anyone respect or trust you? You are what attracts (or repels) others - not the words,not the strategies. If you aren't happy with the results you get, then it’s time to improve you.
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