As we know there are usually two stages in romantic love. The first stage is featured with “the tingles” while the second stage is characterized as “intentional” because it’s quite important to manage a long-lasting relationship. Five love languages in transition process from stage one to stage two are of great importance. The five love languages include contents as below: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.
1. Words of Affirmation. This language uses words to affirm the other person. “I really appreciate your washing the car. It looks great.!” “Thanks for taking out the garbage. You are the greatest.” “You look nice in that outfit.” “I love the fact that you are so optimistic.” “I admire the way you helped your mother.” “Your smile is contagious. Did you see the way everyone seemed to brighten up when you came into the room?” All of these are words of affirmation. Your words may focus on the other person’s personality or the way they look or something they have done for you or for others. To speak this language, you look for things you admire or appreciate about the person and you verbally express your admiration. If a person’s primary love language is words of affirmation, your words will be like rain falling on dry soil. Nothing will speak more deeply of your love than words of affirmation.
2. Acts of Service. For these people, actions speak louder than words. If you speak words of affirmation to this person such as “I admire you, I appreciate you, I love you” they will likely think and perhaps say, “if you love me, why don’t you do something to help me around the house?”, If acts of service is their primary love language, then washing the car, mowing the grass, helping around the house, and changing the baby’s diaper is precisely what makes them feel loved. The key to loving this person is to find out what things they would like for you to do. Then do them consistently.
3. Receiving Gifts. For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift. The gift communicates, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.” The best gifts are those that you know will be appreciated. To give her a fishing rod when she does not enjoy fishing will probably not communicate your love very well. How do you find out what the other person would like to receive? You ask questions and you make observations. You observe the comments they make when they receive gifts from other family members. Listen carefully and you will discover the kind of gifts they appreciate most. Also listen to the comments they make when they are looking through a shopping catalog or watching QVC. If they say, "I'd like to have one of those,” make a note of it.
You can also overtly ask, ''If l wanted to give you a gift, give me a list of things you would like to have." Better to give a gift that they have requested than to surprise them with a gift they do not
desire. Not all gifts need to be expensive. A rose, a candy bar, a card, a book -any of these can communicate love deeply to the person whose love language is receiving gifts.
4. Quality Time. Quality time is giving the other person your undivided attention. It is not sitting in the same room watching television. Someone else has your attention. It is being in the same room with the TV off, the magazine on the table, looking at each other, talking and listening. It may also be taking a walk together so long as your purpose is to be with each other, not simply to get exercise. Couples who go to a restaurant and never talk to each other have not spoken the language of quality time. They have simply met their physical need for food. Quality time says, “ I’m doing this because I want to be with you.” Whether you are planting a garden together or going on a camping trip, the ultimate purpose is to spend time with each other. For some people, nothing makes them feel more loved than quality time.
5. Physical Touch. We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. Research indicates that babies who are touched and cuddled fare better emotionally than babies who spend long periods of time without physical touch. Every culture has appropriate and inappropriate touches between members of the opposite of sex. Appropriate touch is loving. Inappropriate touch is demeaning. To the person whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
Viewing all those five love languages as above, how do you feel about yourself? Will you reflect yourself and check what kind of love languages do you need or prefer? From the perspective of emotion, they are of great nessesity and effect for us in a relationship or marriage.
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