At this moment in time, you may not believe that it is possible to move on, although of course, it is. The fact that you fill your mind with worry doesn’t make an iota of difference to people that you meet. Their lives will go on regardless. Your depression is self-destructive. It is only you that suffers from it in the long term. Thus, this book has gone through ways to replace negative thinking with something much more constructive.
If you are still having difficulty getting your head around change, then you really need to ask yourself the following questions:
Do I want to be miserable forever?
Am I going to let past experiences dicate the kind of life I have?
Do I like myself very much?
Do I want to go on being unhappy?
A lot of people who have depression also have self-esteem issues. They don’t feel that they deserve to be happy and put up with all kinds of negative behavior from others because of that belief. Of course this is nonsense, although when you are at that stage in your life, it’s not easy to see the positive side of the situation. You deserve to have happiness but only YOU can actually do anything about it. If you want to wallow in misery, no doubt you will carry on being miserable, but basically and fundamentally people actually prefer happiness long term than they do misery. Thus, if you want to embrace your share of happiness in your life, you have to change the way that YOU approach your life.
No one can do this for you. These are the kinds of things that people who are depressed think:
It’s his fault that I am so unhappy.
It’s my boss’s fault that I am so overworked.
It’s my sister’s fault I am so miserable.
The sad fact is that none of these are correct. No matter how badly a man has treated you, it’s YOUR fault that you accepted those standards of behavior toward you and you need to learn that you deserve better. The trouble with those who are depressed through self-esteem issues is that they genuinely believe they are not entitled to any more than they have but of course, the longer they think like this, the longer they will remain stuck in that rut of unhappiness. Women who are abused by men usually have low self-esteem. They settle for a partner who dominates and even if they escape the situation, will doubtless get back into a new relationship too quickly with another abuser. Why? It’s because they haven’t actually learned to love themselves and until they do, they put themselves over as needy. The only kind of man that a needy woman will attract is one that wants to take the initiative and who wants to be in charge and often that’s the abuser. It’s a vicious circle. Because the woman does not think that she can cope as a human being on her own, she is prepared to accept less in her life than she is entitled to and that’s self-destructive.
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