What You Can Say to Help A Friend Who Has Suffered Loss?

Author Joyce Meyer From Living Beyond Your Feelings 5 years ago 6530

Believe it or not, it’s very easy to help a friend who has suffered loss. We tend to want to offer a solution to our friend’s suffering, but what they really need and want is understanding. Once when I was going to a funeral I told God that I simply did not know what to say to the person and He said, “They just need you to sit with them.” During painful loss, people need someone to listen to them talk about the loss and what they are feeling, and quite often it is better not to try to give advice because most of what we would say wouldn’t help them anyway.

A friend of mine experienced the death of her youngest son. She asked to meet with me and of course I wanted to help her, but I noticed that most of what I offered as advice made her angry of defensive. At first I was hurt, but then I realized that her pain was too intense to listen and simply keep telling her that she would make it through the tragedy.

Below are a few good things to say — and a few things not to say. But the most important thing to remember is this: what you say isn’t really important. What is important is just to be there for your friend. When in doubt, just say, “How are you doing?” She’ll take it from there.

Good things to say

“I can’t imagine how you feel, but I want you to know I’m very sorry that you’re going through so much.”

“Anytime you want to talk, I want to be there for you. I maynot know waht to say, but I’ll listen with love.”

“How are you doing?”

“I wish you didn’t have to go through this.”

“I want you to know that I’m praying for you.”

What to say

“I know how you feel.”

“It’s time to get on with your life.”

“You’re so strong... you can handle it.”

What Not to Say

“I know how you feel.”

“It’s time to get on with your life.”

“You’re so strong... you can handle it.”

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