There maybe good causes for jealousy in certain situations and among all the good causes, fear and insecurity pave the way for jealous feelings. Whether justified or not, jealous feelings will gain you absolutely nothing. Therefore, establishing boundaries is a good way to ease jealous feelings.
The importance of relationship boundaries
Once in a relationship, you and your partner must positively set relationship boundaries to define realistic expectations for partner behavior. Through such boundaries, both sides will know what instances could make the other jealous and you can then move on to avoid going off-limits or the mere thought of going off-limits. When you're setting your boundaries, meeting halfway can actually be a challenge. One side may declare that full-on hugging or flirting is within the accepted limits while the other fully wants to dump such ideas outside the boundary. This is just where things could get a bit rough but you have to prepare for the following:
•It's important that I can trust you.
•I expect your moral support when it's needed.
•I expect you to love me even when I am ill.
•I expect you to be faithful.
•I don't tolerate infidelity or disloyalty.
These are the kinds of things people promise to each other when they go through a traditional marriage ceremony and these are not unreasonable expectations to have within a relationship. When you see that the relationship is going somewhere, you need to make sure that you're both thinking along the same lines.
It is smart to identify the so-called safer positions in every relationship. To propose your relationship to a safer position, you need to communicate with your partner about your boundaries. Given that you value your relationship, you would go to great lengths to care for and protect it, especially from potential danger. If a particular action of your partner is likely to upset you because of past experience, discuss it with your partner clearly before it becomes an issue.
Make a commitment
Commit yourself to following the set boundaries that you decide upon. It may be necessary to modify them along the way; you need a stable fence around your relationship to help remind both of you of the value of the relationship. Make a commitment to your partner and to yourself that these boundaries will take away any chance of jealousy creeping in. It's easy to make a kind of commitment in a marriage because you have made vows that you expect to be kept and these act as great boundaries. However, if you are unmarried and you haven't made these vows, you need to outline what is and what is not acceptable to you. For example, you can make promises as below:
•Unfaithfulness is not permitted.
•There will be an agreed amount of time spent together.
•Each of us will have personal freedom to follow our own interests.
•The money will be dealt with in a set way.
•Chores will be shared.
•We both share responsibility for bills.
Among these commitments, remember that your friendship continue within relationships. Romances should never be exclusive of family commitments and time for friends. You also need to appreciate something that jealous people find hard to get their heads around. As for interests, remember that you're not only whole because you're with someone. You need to be whole as an individual. You should encourage your partner for having an interest. And you shall be encouraged if you have one. You are two individuals. You don’t have to prop each other up or think that your relationship means that you should act like one entity. It doesn’t and in fact, if you try to live life like that, you set yourself up for disappointment and potential resentment and jealousy in the future.
There were other more practical boundaries thrown in because if you devote to them, you're not showing yourself as being emotional. You have to address the kind of things people who live together have to address, so that they can live a smooth existence together and trust each other to give an equal amount to the relationship. If you don't agree on shared duties, jealousy will make a situation uglier than it needs to be in the future. For example, if you're going to have babies, it's a good idea to talk about shared duties on babies before you actually act upon that thought. Make sure that you're thinking along the same lines and this isn't going to change the boundaries or that new ones need to be set to cover all eventualities. Things need to be discussed shall include:
•Who gives up what when the baby is born?
•Who will be the main care giver?
•How will time off be arranged?
•How will both parties retain their independence?
Jealousy comes about because one person has what the other person wants, and this can include the freedom to enjoy him or herself. That’s why this should be included in any boundaries that you agree upon.
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