Boundaries have been defined as something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent. We need to set boundaries for ourselves because everyday we have to deal with three layers of relationship well: relationship between you and environment surrounding you; relationship between you and people around you and relationship between you and your inner heart. To confront with these three kinds of relationship well, you need to fully take care of your own body, soul and spirit. And you also need to be very clear about your own personality, weakness and strength. Setting boundaries in dealing with those relationships is not selfish but a way of self-love.
If you don’t set boundaries for your life, lots of trouble may consume too much of your time and energy, and even your life. I’ve heard of several tragedies resulted from not setting proper boundaries in social relationships. About one year ago, a news about a chinese girl named Jiang Ge being murdered by her roomate’s ex-boyfriend when she was studying abroad in Japan had been widely discussed online and aroused great concern among many netizens. Jiang Ge is the greatest victim and her mother suffers pain from the accident the most. One of Jiang’s carelessness was her not setting proper boundaries in making friends. The murder accident could have been avoided if Jiang had realized the importance of setting proper boundaries in her personal relationship with others.
Setting boundaries is not a selfish behavior but instead, it’s a way of self-love. You need to set boundaries in your work to make yourself very clear about your own duties and responsibilities, rather than to tangle your own with that of your colleagues or boss. You need to set boundaries with your family members so that you can always live in harmony with them. You even need to set boundaries with your beloved partner to tell him or her your own limits in acceptance and sacrificing. It’s not selfish but a right way to keep an intimate and mutual beneficial relationship with him or her.
If you find it hard to reject others’ unreasonable requests on you, you may be not good at setting proper boundaries. Then you need to learn this skill in your daily life. Learn to say no to your friend’s request to live together with you when it’s illegal or when it’s inconvenient for you. Learn to say no to a part-time job if the task is too hard for you or if you have not enough time to do it well. Learn to accept people as they are around you instead of controlling them too much because the most important task for you is to mind your own business first.
Setting proper boundaries is not selfish but a way of self-love.
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