The Webster dictionaries defines boundaries as something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.Establishing personal boundaries in your relationship can be quality and dynamic tool. Our environment consists of what is outside and inside our body, soul and spirit. You need to learn about your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats in your body, soul, and spirit.You also need to lean how you can prevent intrusion into your boundaries to safeguard security, comfort and peace in your body, soul and spirit.However, many couples don't have boundaries or just ignore their significant other's boundaries and then problems occur in their relationships.
Octopus Hands - Jordan & Natalie
Jordan and Natalie were newlyweds. Sometimes Jordan would get a little carried away with public displays of affection. If they kissed in public, Jordan would usually make the kiss a little longer and deeper than Natalie was comfortable with. Sometimes Jordan would sometimes touch Natalie’s breasts in public regardless of whether there were people around. It made Natalie uncomfortable and she would argue with Jordan about it.
Friend Cutoff - Carole & Martin
Carole had very few friends, and since having children, she almost never went out with adult friends. She would be willing to go out with other families for events, but it almost always involved the children. Her husband Martin, on the other hand, would try to share dinner or an after work happy hour with his college friends once every three or four months. Carole was jealous of Martin's time and told Martin that he couldn't go out with his friends at all.
Secret: Boundaries are personalized ground rules that help avoid conflicts and build trust.
Couples need to lay out their boundaries as soon as possible within a relationship. These are ground rules that are personal to an individual. They should be discussed honestly and openly. Boundaries to consider include various aspects in emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual and other perspectives. For example, items as below shall be discussed in the early stage of a relationship.
•Subjects/behaviors that the individual considers to be sacred, important, and/or nonnegotiable in a relationship.
•Religious beliefs and traditions.
•Monogamy and expectations of sexual fidelity.
•How partners define fidelity.
•Limitations on outside relationships such as friends and family.
Couples should know their own feelings well first before they share their boundaries.You should have strong awareness and take time to examine your strength,weaknesses,opportunities ans threats. Each of you can make a list of things you are and those are not and then take some time to review them before sharing with your partner.
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