Unconditional honesty can be brutal and scathing at times. Therefore, boundaries shall be set. Delivering honesty unconditionally isn't about compliments and appreciation. When you're willing to tell a woman what you will and will not tolerate in your life, this sub-communicates the most powerful elements of attraction to her, far more powerful than an entertaining story or game. How needy men and non-needy men act upon women in terms of boundaries are quite different.
How needy men and non-needy men act upon women different in terms of boundaries
If a charming woman says something that a needy man finds offensive, he'll ignore it, change the topic or withhold his true feelings. And he might even pretend to go along with her for fear of making her upset.
But a non-needy man will tell her what she just said was offensive. He'll simply draw a line in the sand, "I don't like stuff like that," and she can choose to step across it or not.
Narcissistic men often misconstrue this as a free ticket to tell people they’re always wrong or to basically do what they want without paying attention to the feelings of others.
That’s overcompensation and actually the behavior of someone who is over-invested and validated by the reactions of those around him.
A non-needy man not seek to impose himself on the boundaries of others, he's merely interested in maintaining his own boundaries while respecting the boundaries of others.
Non-neediness means you respect yourself and others. Narcissism means you only respect yourself. Neediness means you only respect others.
The difference is that if a woman says something offensive, a narcissistic man will berate her and try to get her to change her mind, whereas a non-needy man will simply make it clear that he found what she said offensive and will not tolerate it again. How she responds is her choice.
If a woman insults a non-needy man's friends, he will not hesitate to tell her to stop and stand up for those he cares about. If a woman says she needs to leave a date after 30 minutes, he will not try to trick her into staying or beg her to come back, he will not yell at her or lecture her on manners. He will smile and say, “Nice meeting you,” and let it go.
Hold your line. Don’t go around breaking somebody else’s.
Relation between one's boundaries with one's neediness
Your ability and willingness to establish boundaries is inversely proportional to how needy you are. Men who are needy and lack vulnerability will keep their boundaries loose and open, inviting manipulation into their lives and allowing people to walk over them. This is because they are more than willing to alter themselves in order to receive validation from the women they meet.
Men who are non-needy establish strict boundaries because they value their own time and happiness more than receiving attention from a woman. They also see no reason to trample over other people’s boundaries.
Establish your own boundaries
When it comes to making yourself more vulnerable, the first step is often to begin establishing your own boundaries. Learn how to say no to people, particularly women. Start having opinions on what you like and don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and won't tolerate. Be honest with yourself, painfully honest. And then be painfully honest with her.
The problem with forming strong boundaries is that in order to form them, you have to be particularly aware of your own desires and emotions. And many men who have been needy their entire lives are not very self-aware. They don’t know what they’re willing to stand up for and what they’re willing to let slide. They don’t know their own emotional motivations and desires.
Men will often have to spend a lot of time seeking truth within themselves first before they’re able to express it to others.
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