Dating back to human history
For the majority of human history, men had few material possessions by which women would judge their status. Back in the caveman days, there were no out-door pools and tax returns. They didn’t have brand name sandals and expensive haircuts. At most, one man had a little bit more meat to share than the next guy.
Therefore, for the majority of human history, women watched men’s behavior. Ask yourself what kind of behavior would indicate to a woman that a man is high status and fit to raise her children? These are the men who would be sexually selected over the course of hundreds of thousands of years.
Would it be a man who defers to all of the other men around him, who begs the women to be with him, who can’t stand up for himself and whose emotions are dictated by those around him? Or would it be the man who controls his own destiny, is unfazed by the threats others may pose to him and who shrugs it off if he pursues a woman and she has no interest in him?
The second man indicates a man of status. If you’re at the top of the food chain, you have no reason to be inhibited or to defer to others (unless you want to). If you’re at the bottom of the food chain, your entire life will revolve around deferring to others.
High-status man vs. low status man
The high-status man displays non-neediness. The low-status man displays neediness.
Neediness is not consciously calculated by women or people in general. I guarantee you will not see women walking around with neediness scorecards.
Neediness is a feeling. It's intuited by woman. It’s tuited by women. It’s instinctual. It’s the gag reflex she has when a guy calls her twelve too many times. It’s the distaste she has when he seems to laugh a little too hard at her jokes. It’s the annoyance she has when he seems to make every decision for her rather than letting her fend for herself.
Women unconsciously detect neediness by sensing the intentions behind a man’s behavior and words. It’s why women can often become turned off at the most innocuous moment or by the most unimportant statement. Consciously, the action or statement may seem harmless, but unconsciously, it conveyed everything they need to know about your status and that is this: you base your actions on a constant need for approval.
As you are probably aware, women can be needy as well. And although neediness is a turn-off for most men, it’s not the complete deal breaker that it is for women.
To most women, a man with no neediness is like a woman with perfect tits and a gorgeously sculpted ass. To a woman, a man with a lot of neediness is like having the worst breath and missing teeth.
Non-neediness doesn’t equals to narcissism
It’s important to note that non-neediness doesn't mean you should only care about yourself. This is narcissism, and although it might get you laid, it is not attractive and will result in dysfunctional relationships.
When you are attracted to a woman, you should be affected by her, you should be invested in her. That’s the whole fun of it? That’s the reason we have relationships in the first place, to be touched and moved by others. The important point here is how we prioritize other people's perceptions versus our own. Which is more important? Hers or yours?
Highly needy men will end up in relationships sometimes, but only with highly needy women. The highly needy man is constantly working to earn a woman’s approval, and a highly needy woman is constantly in need of a man’s approval. So the two conspire together, usually with one creating drama/emotional meltdowns and the other one endIessly fixing it. This relationship is toxic and can harm each person’s self-worth.
Narcissistic men, or men who only care about themselves, will end up in relationships sometimes, but only with narcissistic and shallow women. Both the narcissistic man and woman will view each other merely as ornaments to adorn their self-absorbed lives. These relationships also are toxic. And these relationships also often end poorly.
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