In real life of a relationship, different kinds of people behave quite differently. A needy man is quite different from a non-needy man. But actually how they behaves in a relationship? Hereby, examples of needy James and non-needy Jeff are given. Will you reflect yourself to see whether you are needy James or non-needy Jeff?
James is a nice guy. But he tends to be needy in his relationships and has what we would call a high level of investment with any woman that he meets.
Whenever he dates a woman, he will rearrange his entire schedule at her whim. He will buy her gifts and spend most of his paycheck on the nicest dinners for her. He’ll forgo plans with his guy friends and if the woman he dates gets angry, he'll sit patiently and listen to her vent all of her frustrations to him, agreeing with her constantly in a futile desperation that she may feel better. Even when he feels that she’s being irrational or treating him unfairly, he won’t say anything because he doesn’t want her to be upset with him.
As a result, despite caring for him, James’ girlfriends rarely respect him. And sooner or later 一 usually sooner 一 they dump him. When James gets dumped, he becomes distraught and depressed. He's often inconsolable and drinks too much. Usually, he doesn’t feel better again until he meets another woman and the entire cycle repeats itself.
Then there’s Jeff. Jeff has been successful with women for his entire life and has a very low level of investment in them until he’s gotten to know them well. Jeff enjoys going out with his friends and pays no attention to whether the women around him approve of him or not. At times, he says something weird or gets rejected, but it doesn’t bother him.
But other times girls become quite attracted to Jeff. When Jeff notices, if he finds them attractive, he’ll take their number and ask them out. When he takes them out, he takes them to the park down the street from his flat. He then sits there and chats with them for a while and if he doesn't like them, he’ll excuse himself and leave. If he does like them, he might take them to get ice cream or check out a show with him. If at any point she decides she doesn’t like him and leaves, Jeff doesn't really mind. He figures that he wouldn't have been happy with her anyway, so why change himself to please her?
Jeff ends up sleeping with a lot of women. His phone is constantly ringing with texts from them, but he only answers them when he has time or feels like it. He’s never rude or nasty to them. But he only makes time for the ones he genuinely enjoys spending time with.
James has a high level of emotional investment in the women he meets and dates. He’s not confident. He is needy. |
He immediately enslaves what little of his identity he’s aware of to what he believes will make women like him.
Jeff has a low level of investment. He's content with his life and proud of who he is. He is confident and non-needy. If a woman doesn’t appreciate that, then he figures he’s better off without her.
Women, as if with a sixth sense, detect Jeff’s lower level of emotional investment because it informs all of his decisions and behaviors. Jeff is a high self-esteem individual who takes care of himself and is therefore able to be himself around others. James is not. Within moments of speaking to Jeff, and often even before speaking to him, women sense that not only does he have a strong sense of identity, he’s also unwilling to compromise that identity for her. This sub-communicates his high status to them and elicits attraction.
Men may usually be typical needy James or non-needy Jeff. Women, as if with a six sense, can detect Jame’s neediness with higher level of emotional investment and Jeff’s lower level of emotional investment because their neediness and non-neediness infrom all of their decisions and behaviors respectively. So how about you man? Are you a needy James or non-needy Jeff?
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