When a man has spent his entire life needy and highly invested, doing the legitimate work to transform himself into a confident, attractive man is not easy. To become non-needy, a man must develop self-respect, a healthy sense of boundaries, social competence and healthy life habits. It's often a painful long-term process that entails quite a bit of introspection, questioning, doubt, anger, frustration, lifestyle changes, etc.
Potential wrong directions into the process of non-needy
But there's shortcut as some men may try to fake non-neediness through performance while other men may overcompensate. It's so hard to let go of what others think of them and to stand up for themselves. And they just go to the complete opposite direction and decide to only care about themselves. They become narcissistic and self-serving, viewing their relationship as vehicles to get specific benefits and are uncerned with the needs of the person they're with.Needy men only know how to care about what others want even if it harms themselves while non-needy men look for that intersection where they can get both their own needs and their partner's needs met. Narcissistic men overcompensate and decide to only pursue getting their own needs met.
How narcissistic man acts
Narcissistic man act like they're more important than anybody else and they are aggressive, insensitive and demanding. They are self-serving and don't handle rejection or loss well. Some of these men even end up becoming abusive. But the narcissist's facade is weak and transparent. The truth is that the man's narcissism is wielded as a sort of shiled to protect the sensitive neediness underneath. Narcissistic men are still desperate for the approval of others. In contrast, a needy man will play at being meek and unimportant in order to get approval from others, the narcissist proclaims his own greatness to get approval from others.
Narcissism in a relationship
Narcissism in a relationship is built on the idea of always being dominant or in control. It is a nebulous mixture of selfishness,assertivenss and domination that is achieved not through investing more in oneself, but by minimizing the importance of others.Narcisistic men see seduction and relationship as another competition to be dominated and won, not as a collaboration to be enjoyed. If the goal is to cultivate highly enriching relationships that add to one's life, then minimizing the importance of those around you in order to attract them to you makes the resulting relationships unfulfilling and superficial.
Narcissistic men end up with narcissistic and/or highly needy women. Narcissistic women will use the narcissistic man to aggrandize themselves, to put themselves up and fulfill their own egotistical goals. Needy women will tolerate a narcissistic man's poor treatment of them because the needy woman is constantly in search of a feeling of greatness herself. And the sad thing is, it works - not on all women, not even on most women, but it will work on women who have no confidence, who expect to be treated like shit, and who treat men like shit in return. Women with any self-worth will pass up on a narcissistic man in a heartbeat. She sees right through his macho veneer. But low self-esteem women, particularly women with truckloads of emotional problems or a history of abuse, will gladly throw themselves onto the narcissistic man and bring him down with them.
Problem with narcissism
So yeah, being narcissistic and overcompensating works. But it leads to unpleasant, shallow, and superficial interactions, constant headaches dealing with women who you don’t actually even really like and who probably don’t even actually like you, women regretting having sex with you, and emotionally unstable girls who bother you constantly.
It’s like swimming in the shallow end of the pool - yeah, you’re swimming, but it’s not nearly as rewarding as the deep end, and there’s piss everywhere.
The problem with narcissism is that it defines itself by getting what it wants from others. A man who is narcissistic only feels non-needy if he's dominating somebody else and if someone else is giving him what he wants. And in that subtle way, he is therefore more invested in others than he is in himself. He is therefore still needy and unattractive.
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