The only permanent way to attract and date more women and more attractive women is to become more attractive yourself. And the way a man becomes more attractive himself is by investing in himself, in becoming less needy. Permanent change to one’s investment and neediness in one’s relationships with women is hard and is a process that encompasses all facets of one’ life. But it’s worthwhile journey. As a man, it may be the most worthwhile journey.
Non-needy man VS. narcissistic man in a relationship
When a non-needy man meets a woman who rejects him or is not interested in him, he will assume that that is was either an incompatibility or that it was just not the right situation. Either way, he will see it as the right thing to have happened. His life will go on. However, if a narcissistic man is rejected, he becomes angry and hurt and he blames the woman for neo seeing his greatness. He calls her stupid or selfish or shallow because she's not willing to give him waht he wants.
A non-needy man doesn’t try to control what women feel about him. Rather he tries to control what he feels about certain women. He understands that the world isn’t about him and that all he can control is himself and his own actions. He's not bothered when things don’t go his way or when people don’t recognize him as being amazing because he already feels amazing himself. He doesn't need their approval and their disapproval doesn't faze him from his mission. But narcissistic men are often serial players, guys who obsessively seek out casual sex and not only regard the women they sleep with poorly, but treat them poorly as well.
Roy's story
Roy was a nice geeky science guy in college but adored by all of the girls he hung out with. Roy adored them as well, but in a sexual way. Unfortunately, whenever Roy worked up the nerve to say something, they always told him they just wanted to be his friend. All the while, Roy would sit there listening to his female friends complain about their horrible and insensitive boyfriends. All Roy could think was, “But I care about you, I’m sensitive, and I’m right in front of you. Why can’t you see that?”Needless to say, Roy’s female friends never came around. Despite all of the waiting and hoping and placating, they always moved on to the next guy, usually a guy they had just met.
Eventually, when Roy was 25 years old, he landed his first girlfriend: a depressive and slightly overweight grad student who worked in his lab. Despite her obvious shortcomings, he was smitten with her. But his girlfriend’s emotional instability eventually got the best of both of them. After a turbulent year together, they broke up.
Roy’s anger boiled over. He was sick of being walked over and kicked around. He was sick of being ignored and hurt. His entire life, women had never paid attention to him sexually, and the one who finally did wasn’t satisfied. Roy decided he had had enough, that it was time to put himself first. It was time to put his own needs first. He saw how other men had been assholes to his female friends and slept with them, so he decided that he would do the same.
Roy quickly found that he was comfortable dishing out insults and teases toward the women he talked to. It felt like vindication for a lifetime of emotional negligence. Some women were offended, but strangely this made Roy feel even more powerful and motivated him to go out and meet even more women.
Soon, to Roy’s surprise, some of these girls actually became attracted to him. He took them home and slept with them. At first, the girls were drunk and ugly, but slowly and surely, as Roy became more comfortable in his new player persona, the girls became more attractive.Some of the girls Roy slept with were genuinely intrigued by Roy and wanted to get to know him better. Roy would toy with these women, play phone tag with them, use them for sex a few more times and then invent some sort of conflict or blame her for something she didn't do as an excuse to not see her anymore. These women quickly got the picture that Roy was neither stable nor an enjoyable person to spend time with, so they moved on.
Other girls Roy slept with weren’t as intrigued with him as they were emotionally desperate for some sort of male validation.Some of these women simply wanted to be validated by having sex. In which case, Roy fucked them and never heard from them again.But for many others, their neediness was deeper than that. These women desperately craved emotional validation as well as sexual validation. They would launch into crying fits, call Roy dozens of times over the course of a night or show up at his apartment unannounced. The sex was often incredible, but it was almost impossible for Roy’s own anger and insecurities to not get sucked into the drama of these other women. Dramatic episodes would go on for weeks or sometimes months in a cycle of angry breakup, back to loving reunion, back to angry breakup, over and over again, each time getting more intense. Many of these women had experienced sexual abuse in their past. Eventually, Roy would tire of their games and break things off permanently, swearing to never let himself succumb to them again. But often the next crazy girl would be right around the corner.
Advices for men
For men in dating relationship, if every girl you date is unstable and crazy then that's a reflection of your emotional maturity level. It's a reflection of your lack of confidence and your reflection of your neediness. Non-needy people don't date needy people and vice-versa. They can't because there's no attraction to begin with. When all of the women you attract are needy and emotionally helpless, they are just reflections of yourself. Some man may go from being needy to overcompensating with narcissism. Such kind of man may go from worshiping women with no respect for himself to worshipping himself with no respect for women,just like Joy as above. The key to non-neediness is to have both: respect for both yourself and your women. In the process of learning to respect of yourself and your women, the most essential step is to admit and accept vulnerability of both you and your women.
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