Tim loved the way Jackie allowed her friends to be his friends and covered up his shyness. She often initiated lovemaking and made his feel less insecure. They came to counseling because Tim's feelings of inadequacy had caused Jackie to lose respect and become tremendously dissatisfied. He didn't realize that it takes two whole people to make a whole relationship. The scriptural injunction—each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else”(Gal. 6 4 NIV)—encourages this type of personal wholeness. Every mate who wants to be a passionate lover must practice the discipline of growing up and becoming a confident person.
Genuine self-esteem is based on accepting God’s verdict that each human being is "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Ps. 139:14 NIV). It is not pride but godly self-aware-ness to know one’s strengths and spiritual gifts. Romans 12:3 encourages, ”Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment [a realistic assessment], in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you”(NIV). In this confident awareness and wholeness, lovers express their needs and choose to risk deeper intimacy and new behaviors.
A great question may be, How do your personal spiritual gifts make you a better lover? Are you even self-aware enough to know your gifts and natural talents? Tim didn’t. Everyone is a great lover waiting to blossom if we build on our personality strengths and abilities. This may be the servants heart of running that bubble bath, or the assertive planning for a getaway, or the gentle sensitivity to recognize the need for a nap.
God wants all men and women to embark on their own unique adventures—journeys only they can take with relationships only they can build and enjoy. Every morning this discipline can allow us to thank God for a new day and a new adventure with Him and our spouse. What intimacy is created if we discipline our heart and mind to accept our adventurous nature and risk the unusual and new! God is there, thinking "outside the box” because His thoughts are not our thoughts. He is inviting His children into an exciting and dangerous experience of closeness and fulfillment. This certainly applies to a great sex life.
There is nothing sexier than men or women who are comfortable in their own skin and can confidently launch into new adventures in wild and unique ways. Lovemaking can reach new dimensions of freshness and passion. You may be like the wife who took up belly dancing to her husband’s delight; maybe your crazy style involves organizing a trip to Tahiti. Making love in the car or bringing one of your wife’s fantasies to life may be your way of seizing the day . Confidently unleash the wildness within you.
Time Out:
Think through a mutual adventure that would bring out feelings of anticipation, excitement, and living a little on the edge, plan through how you could make this happen. Discuss what in your marriage will keep you from embarking on this adventure and how to overcome these blocks. With God's help, take some risks and create some passion.
Comment