Making Love an Emotional Choice and Avoid Distraction

Author Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau From A Celebration of Sex 6 years ago 14984

Making love an emotional choice

Your wife is more likely to make a cognitive decision when she wants to make love and appreciates having the opportunity to create the right mental and emotional attitude. It isn't the more immediate, hormonal surge that it can be with you. Wives love surprises and being spontaneous, but they are usually not crazy about quickies or jumping into bed the minute the vacation destination is reached. Sex is more purposeful, romantic, and intimate with a woman. She will not think of sex as often as you do, but this is not for lack of desire. Many women actively thought about sex only twice a month. You can learn a lot from each other with your wife's emotional decision (sometimes this decision is made when you initiate) to nurture and be with you, and your impulsive readiness to jump right in. So you need to consider making love an emotional choice.

Your wife has to want sex and choose to make love in ways that are consistent with how she is feeling, with emotional and affectionate attachment. The timing must be appropriate, with plenty of loveplay as her body and emotions are “primed” and she is allowed to choose to respond in her own passionate way. Women often take fifteen to twenty minutes to reach an orgasm. This is part physical and part because she needs time to overcome distractions as she mentally and emotionally allows arousal. You were ready when she took her shirt off, but she will take time. When lovemaking occurs and she is willingly involved, she can respond with receptive desire and a passionate enjoyment that will surprise you.

Vulnerable to distraction

Husbands can falsely assume that their wives don't like sex as much as they do. They don't understand that their wives are more easily distracted by their environment and their inner attitudes and feelings. When she is fatigued, fearful the kids will come pounding on the door any minute, struggling with body image, or feeling hurt, she may be unable to focus on sex and her desire to make love will be on the back burner.

Your wife, more than you, may have to fight distractions during actual lovetmaking to be able to focus on her own arousal. The wise husband minimizes distractions (for example, bedroom picked up, phone calls made) and helps his wife begin to make love (romantic suggestion when leaving for work, sexy kissing in living room when he comes home) even before the bedroom. Be sensitive to her concerns. You are less susceptible to distractions and often want to make love without the mood having to be exactly right. As you are more supportive and involved, she may be in the mood more often. Your wife will find making love more appealing and restorative as the distractions are acknowledged and controlled.

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  • anna englert 1 years ago

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