George had a higher desire for sexual activity than Helen did. She explained that it wasn’t that she didn’t like sex or didn't have a desire to make love, she just did not want to become actively involved on some evenings when she was fatigued. The following technique revolutionized their sex life. At least once a week, she pleasured him to an orgasm without her active participation.
She would slip off her nightgown and gently hold his testicles while he stroked himself to a climax. She did not mind his fondling her breasts, and she appreciated the pleasure she brought him even with the minimal involvement. Sometimes she would place her hand over his and in other small ways would be supportive. She snuggled close to him and afterward used a warm washcloth to help him clean up. Often that type of sexual activity would not take more than ten minutes, but he found it nurturing and fulfilling, and they still felt like they were making love.
They grew closer as they eliminated one of their nagging problems, and George felt sexually satisfied. His wife promised him that once a week she would wholeheartedly engage herself in making love and it would not always be a quickie. But in between, she would focus on meeting his needs. Both were able to work through the difference between “duty sex” that felt unfulfilling to both and nurturing sex that was participative, but in varying degrees.
Helen was happy to be able to nurture without thinking about birth control (they used a diaphragm) and cleaning herself up afterward. At times she was just distracted and tired from the kids and did not feel up to active lovemaking. Sometimes as he began getting aroused, she would decide she was in the mood and would insert the diaphragm. At those times she might not be as active, but some of the fatigue would melt away as they made love.
For other couples, the husband may pleasure his wife when he is not in the mood or feels tired. Nurturing through orgasm can be a loving compromise in a sexual partnership and not have to involve duty or pity sex.