How much do you talk before sex? During sex? After sex? Conversation really is a great way to enhance your sex life. Love talk before, during, and after making love will certainly benefit your sexual stimulation and help you maintain a satisfying and happy relationship.
One couple stumbled on to the importance of talk one night as they were making plans for their summer vacation. It was after the wife had become more adept with her sexual vocabulary, and both felt less inhibited about sex in general. They were working through plans to go to the Caribbean and spend a long-anticipated week in the islands. She had bought a cute bathing suit and, after modeling it for her husband, asked how he would like to take it off on some de serted beach. They then digressed into how much they wet looking forward to time alone and some fun sex.
The husband related how seeing the hotel room a Jacuzzi in the travel brochure had made him excited as fantasized being with her on that king-sized bed after sc time in the Jacuzzi together. She remarked how wonde it felt after sunbathing to Ue on cool sheets, bodie? twined. She even found it erotic the way their bodies spired while making love during the summertime. As they sat there talking about sex, they could see that both becoming very aroused. The evening concluded with his slowly taking off her bathing suit in the bedroom ar having a very enjoyable sexual encounter.
Each of three areas of erotic communication—before, during, and after making love一has its unique exciter sexual stimulation.
1.Love talk before. This couple discovered that just engaging in sexual talk made them feel closer, more comfortable with sex and aroused. They made special a effort to include the topic of sex at least once a week in their discussions.
They tuned in to conversation triggers (a television show, a new bathing suit, a joke) more readily and just talked about sex more.
They discussed why they, like many couples, had seemed in the past to unconsciously avoid communicating about sex. Some of it was a lack of vocabulary, and some of it might have been an unwillingness to take the risk to be that intimate with each other. They realized that they did not trust each other or feel comfortable enough to discuss a variety of relational and sexual topics. Their closeness grew as they discussed her insecure perfectionism and his feel-ing he could never make enough money to satisfy her. One weekend they jumped into the topic of his getting a vasectomy, with many raw nerves being exposed, but they cams to a much better understanding of the needs and feelings of both.
In fantasizing about the Caribbean getaway, they got into another great type of before-sex talk, sharing fantasies'. It is fun to enjoy, before the fact, some of the things you would like to do. Often it is crucial to creating the ambiance. They also took the time, as suggested elsewhere in this book, to relate to each other their ideal sexual encounters and to incorporate some of these ideas into their lovemakiag. The less inhibited they became in their sexual talk, the more fun they had. It did not have to lead anywhere, eittier. It was enjoyable to get somewhat aroused and then go on to another topic.
She started to tease more and make sexually suggestive comments like the one about the bathing suit and a de-serted beach. He would tease her in turn. He would phone her at her job and say things or express them in confidential e-mails, and she would laugh in delight but be a little embarrassed, as if somehow her office mates could read her mind. They might be at a friend's house waiting for them to answer the door, and she would surprise him with a sug-gestive sexual comment. Certain parts of his anatomy would respond in embarrassing ways and she would laugh, delighting in her feminine power.
2.Love talk during. During sex, the idea is to relax and let the talk be free-flowing from what you are feeling and sens-ing. Sometimes you and your mate will be on a common theme, and at other times each will pursue personal images —both can be connecting and stimulating sexually. The wife might say, “You sure are hitting the right spot inside me.” And the husband might reply, “You feel so good, I wish I could do this all night.” Or the husband might go off on his own tangent: “Tm glad you're feeling excited. That dance you did to seduce me tonight was unbelievable.”
During making love, you can also tease and talk about fantasies. This talk can be very erotic
TIME OUT: The next time you make love, try practicing a stream-of-consciousness flow of conversation一both of you keep up a running commentary on what you are feeling and sensing. It will be tremendously exciting as both get into creating the mood. Tell your partner what you want and need sexually in a given session. If something pops into your mind that you haven't tried in a while, bring it up, and both may enter into the activity with gusto. Erotic communication has so much potential.
3.Love talk after. In Chapter 4 we discussed the afterglow phase of sexual activity: the time after each partner has been satisfied and bodies and emotions are returning to their normal state. It is a time that is important for couples to connect and enjoy the connection, but this resolution phase is fraught with pitfalls. Wives often need to empty the bladder and clean up; while husbands feel so relaxed that they might roll over and go to sleep. Both can end up feeling frustrated and ruin the warm connecting that just occurred.
It should be a time of talking and warm reminiscing and reaffirming yOur love for each other—appreciating how truly close you two have become. You are perhaps closest to the Garden of Eden at this time in your intimate connection —like Adam and Eve, during your lovemaking, you have become naked without any shame.
TIME OUT:
Discuss with your partner what kind of affirmation and talking and holding would be special and affirming for you in the love talk after sex. It’s a different kind of love talk, but it’s so bonding. Even a simple ‘Wow’, anticipating another forty years is awesome11 takes on special significance during this vulnerable, united time.Wives especially feel vulnerable and need this affirmation because they have both physically and emotionally opened themselves up to their husbands.
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