From the perspective of biology, women have a lot more to lose than men when it comes to sex. This makes them tend to be more pickier in choosing their sexual partners and life partners. However, historically speaking, men had fewer repercussions for promiscuity and they even have some advantages by being promiscuous.
Whether it’s biological or cultural or some mixture of both, the fact is that female sexual attraction is based largely in feeling comfortable and secure with a man she meets. Women have evolved a sexuality that is more psychological than physical, and that psychological need is rooted in the need for security and connection.
This is why status is based on behavior and not simply assets. A man who is rich in assets has greater potential to make a woman feel secure and comfortable, but if his behavior implies that he won’t, then she won’t be attracted to him. A physically fit man will imply greater fitness for her children, but again, if his behavior implies he will be incapable or incompetent in raising them, then she will not be attracted to him.
Because men value sex more than women at the beginning of a relationship, and sexual opportunities are scarcer for men than women, women tend to be less invested and more confident early in on the interaction. When a man approaches her and induces her to become as invested in him as he is in her, this is the process of seduction. Sex occurs as a natural side effect of this process.
Seduction is the process by which a man induces a woman to become as invested in him as he is in her.
There are two ways for seduction to happen: 1) a man creates the perception that he is far less invested in her than he actually is (neediness disguised as non-neediness), and 2) a man actually is less invested in her (genuine non-neediness).
The first method (a man giving false impressions) occurs through what I call “performance.” The vast majority of the dating advice out there for men (and women) is performance-based advice — say this, act like this, don't call her back right away, pretend you don’t like her, make these jokes, etc.
The second method (a man demonstrating less investment) is a passive process that he does within himself and that permeates every aspect of his behavior over the long-term. There’s nothing to learn or memorize. There is nothing to practice or study. It only requires one to move his yardstick for success from external goals (more dates, more sex) to internal goals (better relationships, more emotional fulfillment, overall happiness). This book will lay out how this internal process occurs and how to achieve it in yourself.
Performance-based dating advice technically “works.” It’s just not fulfilling. You’re not actually solving the problem (your neediness); you’re just covering it up. A man who becomes successful through a series of performance-based behaviors may have sex, but he is setting himself up for terrible and unfulfilling relationships with other needy women.
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