How to Practice Your Dirty Talk Skills?

Now, we’re talking about how to practice your dirty talk skills.

Step one - bring it up innocently

First, talk about dirty talk with your partner. Bring it up innocently and gauge their reaction to it. Tell them that a friend told you about it, and you were intrigued, so that the burden can be blamed on someone else. Or say that you read an article about it, saw a television piece on it, etc. You can also watch something together that has elements of dirty talk so the topic comes up independently of you.

Bringing it up this way gives you an out and plausible deniability so you can avoid self-consciousness and judgment. Your partner most likely will not be judging you, but this is an approach that helps you justify talking about it.

I would estimate that 99% of the time, your partner will be intrigued and agreeable to trying whatever you suggest in the name of spicing up bedroom relations. If they aren’t, they might simply be in the same shoes you are - afraid of judgment and self-conscious about their sexuality. If that’s the case, you need to move along slowly and emphasize that you are interested in exploring it.

You might need to bring the topic up more than once for it to truly implant in your partner's head.

If they are truly reluctant to give it a shot, there’s not much you can do except continue to keep communication lines open and extoll the virtues of dirty talk.

Do not push them into something they don't want to try.

Step two - learn your vocabulary

Don't dive into using dirty talk during sex yet. You need to focus on the two main components of dirty talk - vocabulary, and action phrases.

As you’ll see, you will need to be comfortable and proficient with both of them. Get used to using various vocabulary words such as “cock,” “pussy,” “tight,” “soaked,” “fuck me” and so on. Think about how you can use them in your daily life to get over any prevailing stigma you might feel from them.

Roll them around your tongue and mouth them - you don't need to outright say or use them yet. You can do the same with action phrases such as “I’m going to,” “spread yourself,” “bend over,” “pound me,” and the like. Whisper them to yourself and become comfortable with them.

You are becoming a person who is a dirty talk expert, and that requires changing your mindset and expanding your comfort zones.

Make sure that you are also ridding yourself of your daily usage of lesser dirty talk words like “wiener,” “dick,” “vagina,” and so on. Those are kiddy words. They have no place in dirty talk.

Step three - writing and typing it

Third, test these phrases and vocabulary out via text or instant messaging. Actually writing these out will be adrenaline-inducing for the first few times, but you'll find that the initial hurdle... is really the only hurdle there is. The first time is the hardest, and each time you use anything you'll be exponentially more comfortable with it. Once you see that there is no negative reaction, that’s going to be a powerful piece of positive reinforcement to keep pushing the envelope!

If you need an intermediate step between steps two and three, I suggest seeking out an online chat room geared towards cyber sex and dirty talk. For some, this skirts a moral gray area, but it's in the name of love! Try out your phrases anonymously and without fear of retribution and judgment! The goal is just to get used to actually using them on someone, and seeing the proper context and reactions that people will have. You might even pick up a few tips while you're there.

Once you’ve mastered using your phrases and vocabulary via the written word, you can try trotting them out in person in the next step.

Step four - introduce outside of the bedroom

Fourth, now that you're comfortable with all the phrases and words and actually have used them to some degree, try using them in a joking manner with your partner out loud... not during sex. Take away the stigma and the embarrassment by saying everything with a wry smirk, and get used to saying the words and their reactions.

You’ll get a chance for feedback, practice, and to discover what your partner particularly likes or does not like. Watch some amateur pornography for inspiration on how to use dirty talk naturally and organically. If you’re still having trouble, try finding some audio books of erotica or erotic stories online - you can see exactly what kind of tone and inflection that you can use.

The goal in this step is to get used to saying the vocabulary and phrases with your partner orally to find out what they like and build comfort.

Step five - transition to sex

Finally, transition into the bedroom. At this point, you should have no issues saying that you want to say because you've already taken away the mystique of the words in other contexts. You should also realize at this point that there will be no judgment on your partner's part. This is key.

It will be slightly nerve-wracking because it is a new context, but you’ll have these phrases at the tip of your tongue and instinctually realize when to use them for maximum arousal.

Start with moaning and groaning louder and more emphatically than normal. Then continue by incorporating dirty talk phrases into your moaning and groaning. Practice makes perfect!

You may find that you have to do the majority of the leading and dirty talking when you first begin with your partner, so be prepared for it.

The wonderful part about dirty talk is that you have probably been playing a waiting game - that is, your partner didn't want to be the first person to bring it up, and is thankful that you did it. Discovering shared secret interests, especially those of the dirty nature, can be a huge aphrodisiac in itself.

Hell, you might even skip over a couple of the these steps because you’ve acclimated more quickly than you expected - and that's what I find with most people. The important thing here is that everyone moves along at their own pace of comfort, and no one can be expected to follow someone else’s and move together exactly.

So if your partner is lagging, guess what... go back and help them!