Flirting is the opposite of creepiness. Flirting is expressing your sexuality in a way that makes a woman feel sexually secure.
Sometimes the sexuality of your behavior is overt, sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s implied. But when done correctly, it’s accepted and appreciated by women.
If you research dating advice and pick up tips, you’ll find dozens and dozens of methods of “building attraction” with women. Some of the more popular ones include teasing, bantering, negging, cocky/funny, push/pull, qualification, statements of interest, false disqualifiers, roleplaying, leading and pacing, eliciting values, magic tricks, cold-reading, false takeaways, word games, hand games, betting and competition, etc.
Chances are, you’ve read or are familiar with at least a few of these concepts. If you don’t know what most of them are, then good, don’t worry about it. No, I’m serious — don’t worry about it, because they all follow the same basic pattern.
Flirting is expressing your sexuality to a woman in a way that makes her feel secure expressing her sexuality back towards you.
In a nutshell, what a lot of men refer to as “game” is their ability to flirt with women. How well can they express their sexuality to women with positive response? If they can do it often, they have “game”.
The tactics or strategies used (teasing, etc.) all do this in their own ways, but they all follow the same pattern. Fo the sake of time and space (and boredom), I’ll be grouping most methods of flirting into two different groups: teasing and boldness. Both teasing and bold types of flirting (whether it’s negging, false takeaways, or roleplaying) follow the same basic formula: they all involve breaking rapport in order to generate sexual tension.
Scientific research shows that sexual tension builds when the uncertainty of potential sexual possibilities is presented in an interaction.
For example, if I say something with implied sexual innuendo like, “well, that’s cool you are into cats, maybe I can come over and play with your pussy for a while,” this generates sexual tension because, assuming she doesn’t throw her drink in my face or slap me, it leaves the possibility of a future sexual encounter on the table. It’s a story with no ending, the human brain wants to know what happens next. And in this case, what happens next is probably something sexual.
Teasing type behaviors generate sexual tension because they generate uncertainty as to whether or not you’re actually interested in a woman. In the example above, depending on the context and situation, I could be totally joking and being facetous. Or I could be totally joking and being facetious. Or I could be totally serious and masking my desires behind a thinly-veiled joke. She doesn’t know. And that’s what makes it so good. The uncertainty generates the tension.
If you tease a woman about her hair, telling her she looks like ET with a perm, or that your grandmother once owned a wig like that, you accomplish sexual tension because you are sending mixed signals. Your intentions are sending a “Yes, I like you,” signal, while your words are sending a “No, I don’t,” signal. This generates uncertainty and therefore, sexual tension.
This is why most dating advice in western culture, to both men and women, encourages you to send mixed messages, “play hard to get,” or play games with one another. Sure, it distorts intentions, but it also generates uncertainty and therefore, sexual tension.
But one can flirt by being clear with one’s intentions as well. One can state one’s sexual desires clearly or actually even move to make those sexual desires happen. It’s counterintuitive, but this can generate a lot of uncertainty and sexual tension as well.
For instance, let’s say you meet a woman and just come right out and say, “I think you’re beautiful, I’d like to take you on a date.”
A lot of men cringe at this idea. Needy men hate it because they think it will make them creepy. Narcissistic men hate it because they believe they’re giving their power away.
But in reality, it’s one of the most powerful and practical things you can say. Not only is it vulnerable, as we’ve discussed as length, but it also builds far more sexual tension.
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