Let’s have a look at exmaples of two couples in marriage first. Then relfect by yourself to check whether you are a pedestal partner or a partner beyond priority. If any of the two is similar to yours or just fits you, please pay attention to this problem. And refer to the secret at the end of this passage to solve this problem, finnally you will definitely solve it without considering it so serious at all!
The Pedestal Partners-Max & Bobbi
Max and Bobbi met in middle school, dated all through high school, and got married when they were both nineteen years of age. They were madly in love with each other and thought each other were not just "perfect for each other” but “perfect lovers”. Bobbi got fired from her job for being late every day, and Max would spend most of the couple's money on drinking at the bar after work every day. After several years into marriage, both Bobbi and Max wondered:“ What happened to my perfect partner, and what happened to our perfect marriage?"
No Priority Whatsoever-Tina & Joey
Tina works a part-time job and is extremely active in her children’s activities. Her husband Joey works a sales job that has him working more than eighty hours a week on average. Tina and Joey hardly ever see each other until bedtime. When they crawl into bed together, they are both too tired to talk or be physically intimate.
Sometimes Tina will try to get Joey to help out with the children’s activities, or take a day off of work to cover for a sick child. Joey will occasionally ask Tina to come to find a babysitter and attend an evening networking social event with him so that they could enjoy some adult time together. Neither will budge on their existing commitments. When any kind of conflict comes up between the couple, the same old complaints are leveled:
“Joey never has time for me and the kids. He’ s always at work.”
“Tina makes time for the kids, but never for me.” Although neither Tina nor Joey can regularly call off from their job, or go out on the town together every night, it is clear that their relationship is currently not a priority.
Secret: Get your priorities straight. Put your marriage first, but don't put It (or your partner) on a pedestal.
Both couples portrayed above (Bobbi and Max, Tina and Joey) have very separate situations but a similar theme: relationship priorities.
Marriage prioritization means that marriage is important enough to take primacy, even at times over children. Marriages only survice when partners prioritize whtir marital relationship over other kinds of relationships. But this dones’t mean couples shall ignor other relationships or they doesn’t matter at all.
So how do couples make their relationship a priority? There are many ways to do this including:
• Schedule time with each other, and do it often. Have regular date nights, and do your best to keep those going.
• Agree to have conversation time that does not include subjects that primarily compete for time against your other relationships (kids, job, parents, etc.).
Primacy, however, doesn't mean that you put the marriage on a pedestal of perfection. Marriages and people are not perfect. Don't set unrealistic expectations hard to be achieved for both. Spouses should accept each other's differences, and accept their imperfections. Accepting imperfections does not grant a license to a partner to behave unacceptably. Acceptance means that spouses see each other realistically. Spouses are different, and imperfect people. And when you have different and imperfect people, conflict is bound to happen.
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