In connection with other people, conflict is unavoidable and even for people who are married. Since it's unavoidable and shall be faced, you have to be prepared for conflict and seek resonable solutions to solve it instead of escaping or facing it with an improper way.The following are two examples how couples are not well prepared for conflict or treat it in a bad way.
Withdrawal- Mary & Kevin
Mary always expected to have a good marriage, and most of the time, it was. She and her husband Kevin communicated very well, and they were open and honest with each other on a regular basis. That's why Mary don’t understand why her husband Kevin would shut down verbally (and emotionally) and leave the room quietly every time they had any type of disagreement. Kevin’s silence and withdrawal would make Mary more frustrated, causing her to raise her voice and talk faster. Kevin, in turn, would shut down even more. Talking to their respective friends, Kevin and Mary shared：
“I don't know why Kevin stops talking to me when we have a disagreement. Doesn't he hear me or core what I have to say?"
“Mary should know I don’t like conflict. Why does she yell when we argue? How do I even talk to her when she gets mad?”
Tinderbox - Sofia & Landry
Sofia and Landry are both strong-willed people who can get elevated in an argument. Sofia also likes to keep things neat. She organizes everything from her sock drawer to the kitchen pantry. Her partner, Landry, however is very casual about organization. On many occasions, Sofia has referred to Landry as a “slob”. One day when Landry came home out of the rain, he tracked in mud, tossed his dirty shoes on the carpet, threw his coat in the closet (without hanging it up), and dropped a bunch of work papers on the dining room table. Sofia was very angry, and they ended up having one of their many heated discussions:
“Landry, you walk in the door and just like the slob you are, you mess up the carpet, track in the mud, make a mess of our house, and...”
“Whine! Whine! Whine! That's all I get front you Sofia! I’m a slob! Iget it! When we got married I never expected us to argue so much!”
Secret: Prepare for conflict. Create a personalized strategy on how to deal with conflict with your partner before it arises.
Arguments and conflicts arise amongst with spouses,siblings,friends, coworkers and strangers. But some people are ill prepaerd to deal with conflict. Hereby some suggestions are provided to be refered to as conflict resolutions.
•Make conflict resolution about negotiation: not about screaming. This isn't an activity that requires scorekeeping.
•Share your feelings in a kind and loving way.
•Be prepared to receive feedback that you're not ready to hear.
•When your conflict is resolved, reassure your partner that you love him or her.
•If you are feeling anxious, or feel like your emotions are out of control, postpone your conversation until you are better prepared emotionally.
•Write down or read back what you want to say during a conflict resolution conversation.
•Read back what you wrote down and see if there’s a better vvay to say what it is you are trying to comrnunicate.
•Play by standard “rules of engagement.” This is discussed a little further in the next chapter.
So how do you prepare for conflict? First off, marital partners can read helpful resources (like this one) and share with each other what they learned about conflict resolution.
A reasonable way to resolve a conflict is not to avoid or escape from it or confront with it in a violent way, but to successfully resolve the conflicts that come before, and that primarily comes through practice.
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