When they get awareness of the harm they've caused others, even more than themselves,Successful Rebuilders are no longer fooled by their fickle feelings. They:
• seek counsel to reflect on the big picture
• identify their misdeeds and accept responsibility
• consider the disadvantages of leaving a known but imperfect spouse for a deceitful lover who colluded as their partner in crime
• recall the love they once shared with their hurt spouses
• think about the legacy they will hand their children
In contrast to the prior mentioned political figures, consider the comments of Tiger Woods, April 5, 2010, a few months after his scandalous behaviors came to light: unfortunately what I have done over the past years has been just terrible to my family. And the fact I won golf tournaments is,I think is irrelevant. It’s the pain, the damage that I have caused my wife, my mom, my wife,my family, my kids...And that my responsibility. I did it. And I take full responsibility for it.
His words are the signs of a strayer who has begun to get it. It is a shame he didn’t get it in time to save his marriage.
On the other hand, former Chicago Police Superintendent Dick Brzeczek, is one public figure who got it and managed to save his marriage, the shame of my actions rose up like bile, nearly choking me. Until that day, I never realized how deeply I had hurt all the people I loved. No one deserves the kind of misery I had put Liz through...I knew I was no longer a winner.
I was a pathetic, selfish, self-serving ass-hole.
In the aftermath of affairs, Successful Rebuilders deeply regret the pain they have cause their spouses, accept personal responsibility for their actions, and focus on their partners sorrows. It used to be about Me.Now it is about my injured spouse.Rebuilders do not expect their spouses to meet their needs in the initial stages of recovery. They are willing to wait.
Wise Rebuilders wake up to how their emotions and rationalizations fooled them. They recognize that marital love is more than a feeling. It is a decision to behave lovingly toward a life partner, whether one is on the mood or not.
Wise Rebuilders wake up to how their emotions and rationalizations fooled them. They recognize that marital love is more than a feeling. It is a decision to behave lovingly toward a life partner, whether one is on the mood or not.
Comment