When you are in a state when you aren't managing well your relationship,you may argue yourself why your marriage isn't working smoothly and sometimes you may even ignore some problems in detail and hope everything goes as they will.Or you may choose to be do something but you actually haven't seen any good results. When you become tired, you may be still unsatisfied with your relationship. But don't give up, this passage is going to provide you with new approach to return everything back to you as it's all about you. With this new approach, you'll be more confident in yourself and in managing your relationship well.
Step 1: Identify what you value
Identify what the most important things are that you want from your marriage. It's impossible to have a healthy and satisfying marriage if you're not sure what you want out of it. To discover what you truly value, you may have to go deep inside of you. For examples, if you believe the only way to have harmony and effectiveness in your life is not to fight, then your value is at the mercy of others. If you have been clear about this value, you will certainly identify and apply strategies accordignly to experience those values in your life.
Step 2: Know what you want
Knowing what you want is of great importance. Moreover, you need to tell the difference between your strategies and your values and you need to know how to express what you do want instead of what you don't want. Let's look at a real case: a woman asked his husband not to spend so much time at the office and then he joined a sports club, still always going back home late. Here the woman actually wants his husband to go back home as soon as possible rather than stay outside too late, but she didn't clearly express her wishes. Therefore, please remember that knowing and expressing what you "don't want" will not get waht you "do really want".Anytime if you want something, please state it out as clear as possible.
Step 3: Try your best to explore what your spouse wants
With the previous two steps finishing, you'd better think about what your spouse wants.A key step to create a genuine and satisfying relationship is to understand what someone else really values and desires. By earnestly following this step, you'll certainly improve the quality of your communication. One way to find out what you spouse wants is to simply ask them.
Step 4: Be gentle with yourself
In a relationship where problems occur, self-doubt and blame can often aggravate the situation. When trying to sort things out, it's very common for the past to creep in and trigger the little judgmental voice in your mind. Meanwhile, you may be whining, complaining, judging and criticizing your marriage. Even in the beginning, you may even be doubting at the edge of your marriage for you maybe depressed about your future. Please stop staying in that state! Instead, you should be as gentle with yourself as possible!
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