We as human beings are limited to our experiences, and they do not give us enough vocabulary and concepts to truly understand God. We as Christians should also be careful not to keep God so far away from sexuality and marriage that we lose our Creator’s insights into the importance of gender and becoming one flesh.
We can gain helpful understanding of gender differences by observing the different relational qualities of the persons of God. God the Father is an excellent model for the male role. God wanted to be respected by and to be a loving Father to the Israelites as He led and provided. God the Son is an excellent model for the female role. Jesus said He wanted to protect and nurture “ As a hen gathers her chicks under her wings”(Matt. 23:37 NIV). At Lazarus’s death, Jesus wept and showed His emotions (John 11:35). Jesus gave us insights into femininity with His enjoyment of nurturing, intimate relating, and maternal protectiveness of people important to Him. He appreciated the nourishing wholeness of valuing emotions and disclosing Himself within intimate friendships, embodying the concept of femaleness He created.
Another fascinating aspect in God’s creation is that there is as much similarity in two gender humanness as there is in the three-person Godhead. Males and females have more common emotions, needs, and attributes than they have differences. Each human being contains aspects of both genders. Carl Jung called these two principles anima and anirnus. I, Doug, am male but also have a female side to me that I can acknowledge and maximize. I can be a mother hen as I hover protectively; I will sometimes gently hold someone’s hand as We cry together. Each of us, whether male or female, has both genders' traits interacting in us in a way that brings a richness to personality and meaning to relationships, along with an awareness and appreciation of difference.
This idea of course leads into perplexing speculation about what exactly are the differences between maleness and femaleness, between husband and wife. The physical differences are readily apparent. There are other God-created differences, but it is easy to confuse them with prejudice, stereotypes, and power struggles. This is not God's design, for in Christ men and women are different but equal (Gal. 3:28; Col. 3:5-13).
We need to understand that some of these differences are not God-given distinctions but learned behaviors. For example, you have probably heard the saying that "men give affection to get sex and women give sex to get affection.” This is not part of God's gender and sexual design. As a society, we have squelched female sexuality while allowing males to diminish the importance of emotions and intimate relating. These attitudes and actions should be disputed and changed by Christians.
We cannot deny that there are definite differences, an we can learn from each other as we incorporate the best of both gender worlds. What if men are more sexually immdiate and women do value romance more? What if men want challenge and adventure and women do desire security? Then our goal should be to combine the best of b genders, with men becoming more sensually romantic women more assertively sexual.
Some gender differences will always be a mystery, much as is the image of our wonderfully complex God. How recognizing basic differences is irnportant because differences directly affect your understanding and ability to please your mate, create an intimate marriage, an great lover. Here are some common generalizations may or may not apply to your situation, so be care not to panic because your spouse does not conform to the universal concepts of masculinity and femininity. Most people blend characteristics from both lists.
CHARACTERISTICS OF MEN:
•Need to feel significant, admired, and respected, with sense of self-worth reinforced by affirmation and achievement; gain greater identity from what they do
•Take risks more easily (for example, no disability insurance)
•Are “one-track” and can be very focused on the opportunity of the moment (great strength and potential weakness, e g-, ball-game, completing a project, making love)
•Value self-sufficiency and can see life as a challenge and competition
•Desire to be competent and strong (can create defensiveness)
•Enjoy leading and providing (can lack flexibility and sensitivity to mate's desires)
•Less driven by feelings—can hold them in or lack the skills to express them; more left-brain and analytical, focused on a task
•Usually more hormonally driven (higher testosterone); tune in more visually to specific erotic cues and body parts—enjoy seeing their wife’s body
•The eternal adolescent—childlike with curiosity and more immediate, playful enjoyment of sexuality (more prone to obsessive sexual behaviors)
•Are more predictable in what arouses them sexually.
CHARACTERISTICS OF WOMEN:
• Need to feel secure and have a comfortable nest as their safety and emotional needs are met; need to be attended to and made to feel special and adored.
• Do not take risks as readily.
• Can multitask easier and use both left and right brain (prone to distractions)
• Want to feel connected and included; gain greater identity from relationships. See life as more of an interactive/cooperative community and desire connecting conversation and emotional.
•Are better at asking connecting questions (can feel like interrogation to husband) and engaging in conversation
•Want to nurture and protect (strength and potential weakness with the mother hen syndrome)
•Are freer in tuning in to and expressing emotions (can expect husband to understand or sense her feelings without communicating them)
•Enjoy sensuality and tune in visually to the whole person as well as erogenous zones
•Desire romance and emotional affiliation in lovemaking
•Are unpredictable in sexual arousal, both mentally and physically.
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