When our children were babies we were living in a tiny two- bedroom apartment. Our computer was in our bedroom. Our duvet was old and rather ugly. In fact, everything in that room was old and rather ugly.
One winter, after a particularly grueling year during which were grieving the loss of our little boy, we decided to head south for a vacation and recoup. When we came home, my mother and a friend had redone our bedroom, with new bedding, plump new pillows, and a new lamp.
Unfortunately, they couldn’t move the computer and all the excess stuff out of our room, but even the small effort they made created such a transformation. When I walked into our bedroom, I wasn't depressed anymore. I was happy!
If you’re going to keep the changes in your sex life moving forward, you need to have a fun place to connect, and that means having an inviting bedroom. If your dresser is covered with old VISA receipts, if craft boxes are stacked up in a corner, if your bedding is threadbare and ugly and your pillows are lumpy, then climbing into bed isn’t fun. And if you figure your bed is the best place to fold laundry - it’s so big, and just the right height! - but then that laundry never gets put away, and every night you sweep it onto the floor again, then jumping into bed isn’t going to seem stress free.
We tend to make it a priority to keep the kitchen and living room clean, because that’s what other people see when they come into our homes. But the bedroom is just for us, so if it’s a mess, no one ever sees it.
I remember baby-sitting for a couple when I was fourteen years old. They had four children, in three different bedroooms. Their house was fairly tidy, if loud and rather chaotic. But one night a toddler wandered into her parents’ bedroom, and I followed to corral her back to the rest of us. And I was astounded by what I saw. Mountains of clothes were on the floor. Every drawer was opened, with clothing haning out. The bed was a mess and covered with papers. It looked like a cyclone had hit, unlike the rest of the house.
Twenty-eight years have passed since that day. but I found out just two weeks ago through the grapevine that this couple just divorced.
I’m sure that’s not the main cause, but it can’t have helped, either. If you’re scared to step into your bedroom because it’s a mess, or if it’s just so ugly that you sigh when you walk in, then it’s time to change things!
Yet mess and laundry are not the only things that can make our bedrooms unromantic. What about computers and televisions? Bring a screen into the bedroom, and you’re likely to stare at it rather than your spouse. Instead of talking and snuggling, you’ll catch the ending of CSI. That’s hardly conducive to romance.
Work isn’t all that romantic, either. Flipping through files in bed doesn’t help you in the relationship department.
So let’s try to banish screens, mess and work from the bedroom, and keep the bedroom an inviting oasis, away from the rest of the world. Let it be a haven where you can escape, just the two of you.
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