God stated in the beginning of creation, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him”. Not only did God create the genders, but He designed a special, unique mating relationship. The scriptural account details, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one-flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed".
It is tremendously moving to think of God's original one-flesh companionship. Adam and Eve, before the fall of Eden, had the marvelous capacity of being totally naked, physically and emotionally, with no shame or fear. They revealed in a childlike trust and curiosity—laughing, exploring, giving and receiving love. Sex was a glorious, innocent celebration lived out with instinctual honesty, respect, and zest for life. It was naked and unashamed with no performance anxiety, inhibitions, pain, or selfish skill deficits. What a relationship and sex life they were able to have as they truly “knew” each other, inside and out!
Being God's special creation gives us the power to control nature and ourselves, and to make choices in a way different from animal sexuality. We can decide when we want to have children and how many we can lovingly provide for. We can love and enjoy our children and families for a lifetime of purpose and intimacy. Unlike the animal kingdom, we can choose to have loveplay and lovemaking for intimate bonding and fun. We can purposefully create orgasms and enjoy the whole sexual process for recreation and the enhancement of intimacy.
Unfortunately, sex has not always been regarded so positively. Within Christianity, sex has often been portrayed as sinful or dangerous. Not too long ago, sex was justified only as a means of procreation. God was considered distant and mildly opposed to marital sexual pleasure. Some of this type of thinking dates back to St. Augustine and his conversion from a completely undisciplined and salacious sexuality. He and other church fathers created a restrictive, legalistic sexual economy because of their own struggles and fears, and in so doing they incorporated a theology that strayed from Scripture. Church prohibitions robbed couples, and especially women, of the ability to enjoy God's intended pleasure.
One-flesh unity is an exciting concept, replete with ideas of sexual uniting and recreating. It is indeed God’s plan for men and women to appreciate sexual fun and recreation, and we as Christians need to claim, sanctify, and celebrate the wonder and enjoyment of sexuality.
However, with greater freedom and grace in our sexuality comes the ability to make both constructive and destructive choices, and that is scary. The early church fathers dealt with this challenge legalistically, requiring less thought and energy on the part of Christians. Sexuality is indeed a powerful force in our lives, with tremendous potential for intimate bonding or harmful behaviors. We must constantly make the choices that will enhance our one-flesh partnership.
First Corinthians tells about the importance of keeping sexually connected in marriage: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband ... Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time . . . and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. In a loving partnership, enjoying sexuality and connecting with a mate are gifts each brings to the other willingly—by demands or coercion.
Please don’t use God’s loving guidelines as weapons against each other. Some husbands and wives club their mates with this passage and say things like, “If you don’t have sex with me tonight, you are sinning.” The real sin is theirs because they usually have never taken the time, loving-kindness, and energy to make changes needed to appeal to their mates romantically. Becoming one flesh has ceased to be the loving gift of meeting each other's needs and uniting Remernber, making love is about giving—not demanding.
On the other hand, are you too fatigued or busy or inhibited to have sexual relations regularly? You too are missing God's plan for marriage and the enjoyment of one of His avenues for increasing intimacy. Failing to structure frequent sexual activity into your companionship may open you up for Satan's temptations. Please hear my heart： get counselinging and do whatever God calls you to do to get sex back into your marriage! As I tell Christian couples, "A meaningful sex life in your marriage is one hill worth dying on. This is not optional in God's eyes."
Satan tempts and destroys many marriages by extreme inhibitions, extramarital affairs, and other sexual distortions. Often it is a subtle drifting apart and a lack of warm, connecting companionship. God has given spouses something precious in the ability as husband and wife to share a physical intimacy that cannot be matched in any other relationship. There is no replacement for what God intended sex to be for intimate marriages. It is the framework for expressing many powerful and exciting emotions, like joy, love, trust, and playfulness. Making love also helps dissipate and defuse negative emotions and behaviors, such as hostility, nit-picking, and defensive distancing Spouses who frequently play together sexually stay together in warm, bonded ways and keep at bay many of the dragons that can haunt intimate companionship.
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