What you need to do to get a female to open her mind about having sex with you? Now, we're going to get a little bit more specific.
You have to remember that you are dealing with women. Women are emotional creatures. With women, the physical component of foreplay has to be wrapped in the think layer of emotional seduction. The whole point of foreplay is to build up to penetration. It's very easy to lose sight of this.
It's like being led to a candy store, and you see a hallway of candy and at the end of the hallway, you see that nice, thick stack of Hershey's chocolate or Reese's peanut buttercups that you came into the store for in the first place. Your initial tendency, if you're a normal person, is to basically just rush through that aisle to stuff your face with the chocolate at the end of the aisle. You should resist that temptation. Instead of just sticking it in and getting it over with, you have to understand that there are two people engaged in sex. It's not just you. This is really the biggest challenge as far as foreplay is concerned.
Most guys would rather rush through foreplay. They think that it's just a necessary price they have to pay, like paying a toll in a highway. But if you want to be invited back to the party, you need to master foreplay, and the key part here is your mindset. Your mindset is to learn how to enjoy giving of yourself and to enjoy putting the needs of another person before your own.
The good news is that it's very easy to get used to foreplay.
We're going to discuss foreplay in the context of teasing. As I've mentioned earlier, foreplay is physical, emotional and psychological. In this chapter, we're talking primarily about the emotional and psychological layers. You have to build her up to open her up.
Texting and sexting.
To psychologically get your partner ready for sex, you need to make her feel wanted. You have to get her excited about what you're going to be doing together. Text her caring, romantic, and sweet statements. This turns women on; guys somewhat less so.
You need to be in the same psychological space with your partner for everything else to line up and the sex to be meaningful to her.
For guys, sex is always meaningful because it leads to ejaculation. That's really the only benchmark for men as far as what good sex is. You ejaculate at the end. With women, it's harder and the key part of that is laying the psychological groundwork. Get her psychologically excited so she can get emotionally excited, which then triggers physical arousal.
Once she responds to your text that communicates intimacy, desire, and appreciation, the next step is to sext.
You send messages that involve sexual imagery. I'm not talking about being nasty and saying, “I want to donkey fuck you.”
No. I'm talking about physically suggestive text, like “I miss nibbling on your ear” or “I miss the taste of your lips” that kind of text message.
The difference is physical intimacy. Again, if you push the envelope too far and just say, “I just want to fuck or I just want to bend you over,” you strip away the emotional intimacy, and you make it like a raw and primal exercise in sex. Some women dig this. Some women get wet thinking about this stuff, but most women will find it repulsive.
So you need again to understand how seduction works and take small steps towards the goal. You're going to get there. No need to rush down that aisle and stuff your face with those Hershey bars. You need to walk slowly through the candy aisle. I know it's very tempting, but you need to go through these hoops.
When you feel comfortable, jump into texting and exchanging dirty pictures with each other. You will likely have to start this process because women are notoriously self-conscious about their bodies. Once you jump start the process, it will prompt her to reciprocate. Shirtless pictures work well to start with, and then you can start moving to more explicit areas.
Word of advice: a good rule of thumb is to not include your face with your genitals! This is good practice in the age of the Internet, and protecting your identity and future in case things go south.
Dirty talking.
The whole point about sexting is it's all about escalating polite, nice text to nastier and nastier messages. The whole point here is to communicate to her that you want her and desire on a physical and emotional level.
Most guys don't really have a problem with dirty talk. It's just a question of scaling it up properly so it doesn't come off as offensive. But just in case you want some guidelines...
First, tell her what you want to do with her and be specific. For example, “I’m going to bend you over like a bad girl.”
Second, tell her what you want her to do to you and be specific. For example, “I want you to get on your knees and ask me what I want.”
Third, brush up on your dirty vocabulary and make sure that you can say filthy words without giggling or cracking a smile.
Finally, ask her questions that you know the answer will be “yes” to. For example, “You like when I pull your hair hard?"
To heck with guidelines, how about an entire huge section on dirty talk?
Even with the realizations that we've reached in the previous chapter, it can be tough to simply open your mouth and utter those things. Logic has nothing to do it with it, and self-consciousness and potential judgment everything.
We can have all the justification in the world to do something, but that’s not what determines our actions in daily life... as many of us are far too familiar with.
Even if I give you the perfect phrases to whisper, they will be useless until you can actually work up to whispering or shouting them during orgasm.
Simply put, the first time you try anything new, you will feel that self-consciousness and adrenaline rush of uncertainty. It is unavoidable. But there are steps you can take to reduce those feelings and turn them into excitement and arousal. The article “Practice Your Dirty Talk” will show you methods.
Comment