The concept of success in dating currently is influenced on the one side from traditional roles and rules - to get a nice girlfriend and get married, etc; and on the other side by unrealistic expectations and social pressures by other men to be "the man", for example, you have to bed dozens of women, that you should never be rejected. Men usually put lots of pressure on one another and shame one another for being rejected and such phenomena can develop an unhealthy culture of masculinity based around neediness rather than genuine self-expression. The standard of defining success with women is vitally important. If choosing the wrong way, then months or years of effort you put into achieving that goal will be in vain.
Wrong ways of defining success with women
Men who define success for themselves as how many women they can have sex with will waste time pursuing and manipulating women who they don't necessarily enjoy or aren't even attracted to in the name of achieving the "success" which they defined for themselves.When it comes to success, we're discussing about the health of our emotional state. Women and relationships are key to men's emotional health. Therefore, the way in which men perceive women and the relationships is going to be reflected in men's emotional well-being.
When you choose to believe "success" with women is determined by which woman chooses you or how much money you can provide - well, then there may be chance you'd be quite lonely followed by ending up with the nearest women capable of tolerating you for a lifetime.
When choosing to believe "success" with women is a lay count or some other statistical data point, then you love life will become just as objectified as the women you meet, and though you'll have the quantity of interactions to back you up on paper, all emotional quality will be lost, together with your happiness.
Defining success in a qualitative way
Success shall be defined in a very qualitative way: maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women you profer to be with.
Success = Maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women we prefer
The statement above is quite obvious but the implications are actually quite profound. Indeed, most of the men in the world define their "success" with women in the following way:
Being married or not being single.
Never being rejected.
Dating a woman who is more attractive than his friends' girlfriends.
How many women they can approach or have a date with.
Quantity of women rather than quality of women.
Whether she fits some stereotype of what "beauty" is.
Whether she's just the kind of woman you've been raised to think you should date.
As a matter of fact, the metrics that most men define their "success" with women just reflect their need of validation, not fulfillment. To achieve this "fulfillment" goal, you have to open yourself up and find what makes you happy. This will mean that you'll probably get hurt but it's worthwhile. The best things in life don't come easily.
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