Freedom from Judgment is the Freedom to Have What We Want

Author Beth Banning and Neill Gibson From How to Rekindle an Unhappy Marriage - overcome resentment and regain the trust you need 6 years ago 8976

When you're in a position of questioning the trust in your relationship,you're experiencing the difficulty of reestablishing the trust regardlss of the reasons for missing trust. If you work hard to manage your relationship again, it's really possible to return your marriage to a healthy and satisfying state. Understand what your spouse really valued behind their deeds is the first step you need to do and the next and most important step is to eliminate destructive judgments from your relationship. Freedom from judgment is the freedom to have what we want.

You should always keep in mind that you're the executive director of your life. It is you who have steered your life to the current situation. Thus, you'd better be free from any judgment from outside to live a life of your own. Also, you'd better be free from judgment on other's life. Once you're able to let go of judgment that anyone did something that you label as "wrong", you're able to effectively explore the situation and you'll be able to see what prevented them from telling you the truth in the first place.

In the case of you trying your best to stop from labeling others' behaviors as "right" or "wrong", it would be about how to get your need for trust met and how to experience mroe honesty in your relaitonship while at the same time, helping him meet his needs for autonomy and his value for peace and enjoyment in his interactions with you, especially when he wants something other than what you want.

This process as above is very different than the common interactions you see between people. In a nutshel, it's the only process we know that is effective in eliminating destructive judgments from your relationship so you can truly regain trust in your marriage.

To make sure you make this process successful, it is essential that you're committed to getting everyone's needs met, not just yours.

Then you need to shift your perspective from judgmental "right" and "wrong" thinking.

After going through this process you can let go of the idea of labeling any signs or tags on other people's behaviors. You can finally let go of the idea that your spouse has done something wrong and you can begin to explore what everyone values, then start figuring out ways that everyone can be satisfied, including yourself.

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