Do you Know Judgments are Self-fulfilling Prophecies?

Author Beth Banning and Neill Gibson From How to Rekindle an Unhappy Marriage - overcome resentment and regain the trust you need 7 years ago 11033

In building trust in a relationship, the first thing to do is to let go of any judgment. When thinking about something, just quit thinking what people did was somehow "bad" or "wrong". This kind of judgment only keeps you seperate and distrustful.The process of quiting this kind of judgment is undoubtedly not easy. After all, our society is full of such judgments. Our entire justice system is based on this concept. We understand that giving up your judgments that they did something bad or wrong may be very hard at first. It is hard because most people believe giving up their judgment of someone's actions is the same as condoning what they have done. We assure you, it is not.

You can only let go of judgment when you've been able to interpret what they've done in terms of what they value. To help let go of any judgment, it's important to know people only do or say things because they are acting in harmony with something they value, or as an attempt to meet some need.

Without specific examples it's impossible for us to guess that a person might value or what need they're attempting to meet.Hereby, the following example is presented in detail to describe why it's important to know people only do or say things because they are acting in harmony with something they value.

Suppose if your husband left the house and said he was having lunch with a buddy. Later find out that he was actually playing golf. It's true that you might not like him playing golf as often as he does. But you wish he had been honest about where he was going anyway.

Now you might choose to be very angry and upset. He should know better than to lie to you because lying is "wrong". You might start thinking:"I can't trust him if he lies to me. How can we possibly have a good relationship if he's going to lie to me?"

It is acknowledged that lying is not an effective way to create a satisfying quality of relationship or a very successful life. However, we want you to consider that there's a way to look at the situation that is less painful for you and has the possibility of creating a quality of trust that you long for with your spouse. Instead of being upset and angry that he's done something "wrong", what you need to do first is to discover that prevented him from telling you the truth in the first place.

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