Whether you are considering moving in with someone, getting engaged, getting married, or any other step of increased commitment you need to have these conversations with yourself. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to know that someone will make it easy for you to feel that way. Alright, so you’ve been swept off your feet on multiple dates. You've laughed hard at their jokes. You blush silly when people mention their name. You even find their quirky side highly endearing. There’s a heady rush and excitement each time you are about to see them. The romance is going full swing and it’s that awkward and confusing phase in a relationship where you have gone beyond casual dating but aren’t in a serious or committed relationship yet.
You hate the idea of your date seeing someone else but aren't ready to exclusively date them yet. Is he/she the one? Are you ready to take the proverbial leap of faith? Is it going to work out for the two of you? How to you really determine if a person deserves to spend his/her life with you? For starters, you need to have important conversations with yourself. We are talking about spending the rest of your life (or at least a huge chunk of your life) with that someone. There are many factors that need to be considered including lifestyle, religious and spiritual views, views about having children, personal ambitions, monogamy, food and drinking habits, addictions, health and fitness and so much more. The list just goes on. You may be interested in pursuing a travel and adventure packed career, while they may be keen on someone who is more home-bound.
You may be keen on having children later in life, while they may want kids early. These differences don’t seem to hold much weight in the initial stages of the relationship when you are basking in the glow of fresh love. However, the little niggling differences snowball into larger issues that create irrevocable schisms in the relationship. Bitter as it may sound. Love is the first casualty when these differences come up. It is quickly thrown out of the door and the differences become all-prevailing. Every person has an unspoken list of negotiable and non-negotiable. There are somethings a person will willingly sacrifice or adjust with for the sake of being with the person they love. For instance, you may be willing to give up a predominantly meat eating lifestyle to suit your animal-loving, vegan food swearing partner. You don’t think it is a big deal to give up meat for a person you love so dearly. Now, take for instance, the person wants to get you hooked to harmful drugs just for some fun and adventure. Addiction is an absolute non-negotiable for you. You've seen ruined homes, lives and careers due to addiction closely since childhood due to your parents being actively involved in the rehabilitation of addicts. There has always been a strict no-drugs policy enforced in your life while growing up. This is your non-negotiable, which can wreck havoc in your life later if you do not address it at the beginning of your relationship. The conversation you have with yourself before getting into a relationship gives you the power to make more sensible and informed choices that are as practical as emotional.
Isn't it important to know they do not believe in the institution of marriage than investing in a relationship that may just not have a mutually fulfilling future? There are some big-ticket factors such as family, financial goals, kids career, communication patterns, health objectives, religion, monogamy and more that you must be able to establish for both yourself and your partner to know if you are on the same page as a couple. This saves you from a lot of potential heartbreak, financial wrecks, emotional disorders and physical ailments arising from a relationship gone awry.
Once you know what you partner's views on important life aspects are, you will know exactly what to expect from the relationship rather than constantly subjecting yourself to unpleasant shocks. Do they make you a better person? Do they add value to your life? Does the relationship award you a greater sense of initiative in your life? Are you able to have honest conversations with the person without pretending to be someone you aren't? Do you feel better about yourself when you are with them than you do when you are alone? Do they communicate/talk in a way that is compatible with your communication patterns? This is just the tip of the iceberg. There are several be addressed before jumping the relationship gun to know if the person is right for you.
The happiness of being in a fulfilling and healthy relationship is often preceded by their thirst for vindication. Does your partner fight to win? Or do they fight to save the relationship?
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