On Saying Something You Regret in Relationships

Author Beth Banning and Neill Gibson From How to Rekindle an Unhappy Marriage - overcome resentment and regain the trust you need 6 years ago 10281

When in conflicts or arguments, people always say something they maybe regretful later. The same time when you feel regretful, you should also realize that you have only limited options and you're not alone in behaving in a way as you do. Meanwhile, you should be clear of some patterns of misinterpretations.


Limited options

People end up saying some types of things they may be regretful because of the underlying beliefs they hold. These are beliefs that limit their options and unconsciously trigger them to behave in ways that they later regret and often don't even understand.


You're not alone

We create a set of beliefs about ourselves and others throughout our lives. Some of the believes may be very limiting. When you notice yourself behaving in ways that you may feel regretful later, remember that you're not alone. Human beings are always completely free of limiting beliefs. In order to stop saying and doing things that we later may regret, it's essential we understand where these beliefs come from and we also need to identify our own personal set of limiting beliefs that are stimulating our reactions.


Patterns of misinterpretation

Since childhood, we began to develop a pattern of misinterpreting events in our lives. Those misinterpretations are transformed into limiting beliefs which dramatically limit our ability to be happy. The pattern we form misinterpretations begins when something happens that stimulates strong feelings of fear, confusion or sadness in us. For example, we tend to have misinterpretations much easily when you invite friends to a party and no one shows up or when you ask for help, you just hear "Don't bother me, I'm busy."


To take a more specific example. You can recall your childhood when your parents are arguing and having a quarrel with each other. You heard your mother scream "I just can't handle it anymore!" Later,you hear slamming of the door in your house and you rushed to the window, just watched your mother getting into the car with her suitcase and drive away. In worry,fear and maybe even hate, you misinterprete this event and concluded to yourself that "people can't be trusted and you're unlovable."


In order to protect yourself from experiencing this pain again, you start to focus on whether people are being trustworthy and whether you're lovable. Due to shadow of your childhood, this may gradually become one of your limiting beliefs and you spend much of your time focusing on it. You tend to guard against situations where you need to depend on other people and avoid getting too close to anyone. Whenever you focus on your attention on people being untrustworthy or your being unlovable, your ability to be happy may be limited.


Later when you grow up and find someone you care about deeply, sometimes your partner is late or sometimes your partner don't call even though they've said they would. Or they forget to do what you've asked them to. With limiting belief that 'people can't be trusted and you're unlovable', you misinterpret these events and start telling yourself that your partner is rude and inconsiderate and they obviously don't care about you. The relationship was destined to fail anyway because everybody will leave you sooner or later. With limiting belief similar to this one, you continue to misinterpret events that happen throughout your life. You make more and more decisions that limit your ability to be happy.


What you focus on grows

Keep in mind that what you focus your attention on grows. Since childhood we've been trained to turn our attention away from our natural ability to be happy. We've been taught to protect ourselves by focusing on who's fault, judging who's right or wrong. Actually how you focus on the limiting beliefs could stimulate you to say and do things you regret later. To live a better life, you need to frequently ask yourself questions as below:

•Would you focus on having better relationships?

•Could you rely on people more often?

•Would you feel more comfortable asking for help?

•Could your relationships be more honest and intimate?

•Would you feel more peaceful?


Focus on what make you happier

As we've mentioned that what you focus your attention on grows, you need to start focusing your attention on what's most important to you, to start focusing on what you want and what you love. You should start reclaiming your natural ability to be happy.


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