Since communication is very important in establishing and maintaining a healthy marriage, mastering some wise communication skills is of critical importance in your relationship. Christian Olson has provided some wise tips for couples to avoid in your daily communication or mutual coexistence with your spouse. Those tips need your patience and efforts in a long term. But do keep them in mind and conduct them everday, hopefully under these smart suggestions, your marriage quality will be improved to a higher level and wish enjoy everyday.
Tip 1: Don’t Compare
Don't compare your spouse to others if it turns out to be negative. Even if you see a woman you may find more attractive, don't say it. If you notice someone's cooking is more impressive, keep quiet, if that guy in the suit is making tons more money or if that basketball player on the court dunked over your husband, leave it alone. You can forget about it by telling yourself the following things： 1) Thie person you are comparing your partner to isn't perfect either. He or she might have hidden flaws, addictions, secrets, or quirks you would find out about later if you were to cheat on your spouse and start a relationship with that person.
Don't idealize other people. 2) You chose your partner. Stick with your decision. You didn't choose your partner for nothing, but because you were impressed and head-over-heels. Don't lose that feeling.
Tip 2: Don't Embarrass Him/Her in Public
Its okay to joke around, but be careful with making fun of your spouse or pointing out his/her flaws in public. Doing so is almost like telling people that you are secretly suffering because you're not content with your spouse. I know it can be tempting sometimes, but you have to figuratively bite your tongue and leave it alone.
Tip 3: Don't Let Things Build Up
If you are upset with your partner, it’s okay to cool off before you start taiking about it. But don’t let it fester and rot in your brains. You have to bring it up sometime. Moreover, a lot of times, if you don't even tell your partner about it, he or she might not even realize you hold something against them. Don't hold grudges. Talk about what is bothering you.
Tip 4: Don't Be Suspicious
Trust is one of the most important elements of a relationship. But it's not just important to trust the other person, but also to feel trusted by the other person. If a spouse doesn't feel like the other trusts him/her, it can create a lot of stress and tension. If your partner feels you are suspicious, he/she can feel offended. Suspicion comes from fear. If your partner hasn't done anything in the past that should make you suspicious, or not for a long time, then let go your fears and focus on more important things in life.
Tip 5： Don't Manipulate
Manipulating or blackmailing is used to get what YOU want. It's similar to exploiting people and changing the situation in such a way that you get the most pleasure out of life.
This practice, however, is not sustainable in a long term relationship. At a certain point, your partner will start hating you because you’re thinking too much of yourself and are playing too many little power games. If you focus on the interests of your partner, you can avoid this tendency.
Tip 6: Don’t Sigh
I know families who do this all day. "Dad can you help me out?"[Big sigh] ‘Yes, now what? I am busy? What is it?” Sighing is almost like complaining. It’s an expression of discerntent. Try to minimize or avoid this.
Tip 7: Don't Be a Perfectionist
Do I have to say much else? Everyone makes mistakes, and so do you. Better to learn from them than to hold them against each other.
Tip 8: Don’t Use the "D” Word
Just don't talk about divorcing each other. If you don’t bring up the topic, then there is less thinking about it. The chances that you will stay together are simply higher. If I told you, for example, , ”Don’t think about a pink elephant,” are you thinking about a pink elephant yet? Exactly my point. Just don’t mention it Divorce is for other couples who don't make it work; not for you. Put that in your head.
Tip 9: Don’t Be the Little Helper
I saw a video on YouTube about a 'little helper" referring to the one in the passenger seat in the car next to the driver. You don't have to tell your spouse that the traffic light is red (or green), that he/she is speeding, that they have to be careful, etc. Out of all the times my spouse and I criticized each others driving, only once or twice was it helpful to avoid an actual dangerous situation. Nothing more. So please, just trust your spouse and let him/her drive.
Tip 10: Don't Talk Bad about Each Other
It's tempting, and I know lots of couples who have done it, but even if you had a disagreement with your spouse, resist the urge and don’t talk bad about him/her. Talking bad about another comes from the feeling of not feeling understood. When you don’t feel understood, try to think about it again and realize that a lot of people would agree with you if you told them about what happened, but that you really don’t have to tell them.
Tip 11: Don't Yell
There is not much to say about it, except for DON’T DO IT! Yelling changes the whole atmosphere, people automatically start yelling when they feel like they are not being listened to. And the funny part is that a lot of couples in love whisper to each other. By being aware of the loudness of your voice, you can turn a tense situation into a solution more easily.
Tip 12: Don't Try to Change Him/Her
I have seen it so many times .. of course there are things you would like him/her to change. But you cannot force it. You can talk about it, suggest it, promote it by complimenting, point it out, and much more. But you HAVE to be patient. Some habits take years, even decades, to change or develop.
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