Unlike romantic love, unconditional love does not seek pleasure or gratification. Unconditional love is more a state of receptivity and allowing, which arises from our own "basic goodness". Unconditional love means that "I love you no matter what happens", not "no matter what you do to me." It means under any condition life throws at us.
The strength of a couple does not depend on picnics or football games. It depends on how they respond when there's a hurricane, when the roof is leaking, when the baby is crying and the dog needs to go out. For a strong and "unconditional love" couple,it's certain that there may be some shouting, some pouting and tears, but everyone stayes respectful and works to the goal of the good of the relationship.
Forget-Me-Not
Jessie and Laura have been married for 52 years. They've been through the good days and they have gone through some pretty bad days. Laura, now in her eighties, is confined to a long term care facilities. She suffers from Alzheimer's disease and doesn’t recognize any of her chidren nor grandchildren. Laura also does not recognize Jessie anymore. Every day, Jessie comes to visit Laura. When asked by a nurse as to why he comes (even though he doesn't recognize her), he states：“I come because I love her...and even though she doesn't know me, I know her. And I know that I love her.”
When the Going Gets Rough
Roger's wife, Elizabeth, was the primary breadwinner of the family. She took her career very seriously and wrapped her identity up in her job. One fateful afternoon, she had a meeting with a company vice president who explained her that she was being laid off, Elizabeth was devasted. She thought to herself：
“I felt like a failure and was sad to come home and tell Roger, who relies on my income.”
Secret 13: Unconditional love is required in order to have a long-term successful marriage.
We choose to love. As people, we make the choice to love others unconditionally or conditionally. Conditional love seeks some personal return,whereas unconditional love seeks nothing in return. Uncondition love means loving someone else no matter the circumstances.
Uncondtional love is not easy. It requires patience and acceptance of our own and our partner's imperfectness. It also requires us to prioritize our partner's needs to our own needs. This does not come naturally, to battle our own self-interest.However, battling self-interest and focusing on partner’s reveals that we are capable of unconditional love, which leads to a successful marriage and a fulfilled life.
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