I hope you all had fun yesterday going over fourteen ways to play as a couple! All of those things will make intimacy more natural. Now we've got ourselves thinking in the right direction, and laughing together to smooth over issues and increase goodwill. But what about actually getting in a frisky frame of mind?
For most men that's not much of a challenge. You just start thinking about sex and you're ready to go!
For many women, though, the mere thought of sex isn’t enough to rev our engines, especially if there are other things on our minds. That's why it’s important to lay the groundwork so that when you are together at night, sex seems like an attractive proposition.
Today, then, I’m going to talk mostly to the wives, thought I will have some special words of wisdom to the guys at the end, too. However, if you are a guy with a lower libido than your wife, then I’d recommend reading through some of these and applying those you can to your life, too (and excuse me for using feminine pronouns! Just switch them in your head).
Getting in the right frame of mind doesn't mean that you have to be actively thinking about sex throughout the day. No one wants to be trying to get excited while talking to the boss, or while taking toddlers out on a walk. That seems kind of, well, icky.
But there’s more to being sexual than just thinking or fantasizing. There’s also feeling comfortable in your own skin, feeling comfortable with your spouse, and getting rid of roadlocks to enjoying sex tonight. Here’s a game plan to help you use your day well. You can take measures such as prepare your body, your clothes, carve out your “me” time and plan regular time to get prepared for sex life.
1. Prepare Your Body
I live in the Great White North, where there are two seasons: winter and construction. And winter is substantially longer, so many northerm gals throw those razors away in the winter. What’s the point in shaving when no one can see your legs anyway?
No one, that is, except you and your husband. And let’s face it: how sexy are you going to feel with “man legs”? Honestly, it doesn’t take that long to shave (if you do shave; if you don’t, that really is okay). But if you’re someone who shaves in summer and feels good about it, and then you stop in the winter, how sexy do you think you’ll feel when in the middle of January when you’re in nude?There's something about shaving that can make us feel pretty and prepared. So don't let younelf get too hairy! (If you never do shave, then the hairiness probably won’t matter as much to you because you're used to it. But if you start shaving and then stop, you'll feel distinctly unattractive when you let yourself go).
So make your body itself feel great! Shave and use lots of lotion to keep your skin soft and smooth. When you feel better in your skin, you'll enjoy feeling skin on skin far more.
2. Prepare Your Clothes
Kiss frump good-bye. Even if you are dedicated to modesty, that doesn't mean you need to be dedicated to frumpy. Wear clothes that make you feel attractive and that flatter your shape-whatever shape that is! If you think it's impossible, start watching episodes of What Not to Wear. They can dress any body shape and the women always end up looking incredible. If you just don't have clothes that make you feel confident, then go buy some. It is better to have six outfits that make you feel amazing than it is to have 50 T-shirts and 7 pairs of mom jeans that make you feel dowdy.
If you spend your day looking and feeling attractive, it will boost your confidence level at night. And don't forget ourDay 3 Challenge from last week: concentrate on those five areas of your body that you’re proud of. Don’t think about the things you don't like about your body; think about the things you do.
I personally think I have nice feet. Feet may not normally be the first thing people think of when they think “pretty”, but I like my feet. And so I'm going to make more of an effort to pamper my feet and put on some nice toenail polish, because it makes me feel prettier.
So dress your body attractively, and play up those features that you love!
Note to the guys: You can still boost your libido by feeling more attractive and more like a man, too! Try to ditch the sloppy T-shirts at night and buy some attractive pyjamas. When you get home from work, especially if you work at an active job, head to the shower first and suds up and brush your teeth. When you’re clean, she’ll be more receptive, and you’ll feel more like it, too.
3. Carve Out Some “Me” Time
One of the biggest impediments to female libido is exhaustion. When I took surveys of 2000 women for my Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex, the number one thing that women reported that was wrecking their sex lives was simply being tired. When we feel like everybody is hanging off of us and everything is on our plates, we're going to absolutely crave time to ourselves. And when do we take that time? When the kids are in bed-right when we could be being romantic with your husband!
If you just need 45 minutes on your own everyday, find away to build it into your routine. It honestly is okay to stick the kids in front of a video for 45 minutes so you can work on a scrapbook page if you have to. It is more important to have a great marriage than it is to spend every waking minute stimulating your children. If you work outside the home, don't have lunch with coworkers if you can help it. If you need time just to read a novel, then read a novel.
Make a list of some things which would help to center you and make you feel sane-whether it's doing a hobby for half an hour, or reading a book, or soaking in a bath, or going for a jog. And now figure out. how can I make this a reality? If you can take that time to yourself during the day, you really will be more rejuvenated at night.
If you just can't see where that time is going to come from, then talk to your hubby and explain why you need it. Maybe he’ll volunteer to put the kids in bed just so that you can take a bubble bath!
Note to the guys: This is just as important if you have a high-stress job during the day. Try to resist the urge to bring work home, or, if you have to, put a time limit on it. And don’t Jet that time limit be, “I’ll stop at bedtime”. Stop a good two hours before you plan to turn in with your wife, so that you have some time to decompress. One of the leading causes of low libidos is high stress. When you’re stressed, you’re not as productive. Carving out time to relax is key to your productivity at work, but also to your intimacy in marriage.
4. Plan Regular Times to Imagine Sex
Women don't tend to have biological cues that remind us about sex the way men do. Men are very visually oriented, and so even if they don’t mean to think about sex, when they see a pretty woman their minds often turn that way. And if they haven't had sex in a while, their body actually feels it. Most women don’t experience this.
So you need a reminder, or a trigger, to think sexy! What about choosing one common activity, or one trigger point, chat makes you smile or think about the last great encounter you had? Say, every time you do the dishes, you think about your favorite sexual nnemory. Or perhaps every time you re at a Stop sign, or every time you hear a siren. Then you can even text your husband and say, "Remember when...”
5. Sleep
This may not sound very exciting, but it is awfully important: get some shut eye! If exhaustion is a big culprit in killing our libidos, then we have to treat sleep seriously. Most of us need at least 8 hours of sleep. If the kids wake you up at 6:30, or if your alarm for work goes off at 6:30, then you need to begetting to sleep at 10:30. That’s getting to sleep-not crawling into bed and turning on the TV in your bedroom, or playing on Facebook, or even having sex. It means lights out—which also means that you should be crawling into bed closer to 9:45 if you want to have some cuddle and talk and fun time with your spouse.
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