Discipline may seem an odd character trait to include for a lover, and may appear to be the opposite of spontaneity, playfulness, and creativity. The truth of the matter is that an undisciplined lifestyle will end up with very infrequent sex. Discipline doesn’t have to destroy the fun and spontaneity of sex or put pressure on you. The truth is that if you don't plan sex into your schedules and take advantage of optimal times, you will never make love with any frequency! The ambiance, activity, place, timing, and technique are up to your romantic creativity. Just keep a time sacredly reserved for sex.
One of my supervisors in my sex therapy training, Dr. Domeena Renshaw, said she was always amazed by couples. Both would heartily agree that the activity of lovemaking was fun, relaxing, and important to them. Then they placed it around number twenty-five on their list of priorities andwrote it in pencil so they could move it lower if something else came up.
There are few couples whose sex life has not been seriously sabotaged by lack of discipline and priority. They may start making love at 11:00 P.M., when one or both have already turned into pumpkins—physically and emotionally spent. They may try to get all the chores done first or not plan carefully enough around the children's needs. They may make love only when the mood and circumstances are perfect—averaging about once every two months.
A few disciplined adjustments create more sexiness: go to bed at the same time, teach the children to respect a locked door, and agree to schedule lovemaking so many times a week regardless of distractions or fatigue as you find those optimal times. Let’s face it, if you have to schedule for church and grocery shopping, lovemaking may need to be scheduled in also.
A fundamental aspect of discipline in relation to a quality sex life is developing in a healthy, godly way the emotions shame and guilt. These emotions play a crucial part in keeping your sex life pleasurable. Paul, when he wrote to the Corinthians, did not try to distinguish between guilt and shame but called those emotions “godly sorrow.” He explained the importance of godly sorrow in the Christian’s life as a motivational feeling to protect and mold a productive life; "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret... See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done" (2 Cor. 7.10-11 NW). God does not want you to feel shame for having sexual feelings. But there should be healthy shame and guilt in your sex life throughout your marriage.
Godly sorrow might come because you neglect lovemaking as a wonderful avenue for bonding or are complacent not incorporating variety and new skills. You may feel guity for choices that hurt your intimacy. You may feel true, godly sorrow because you avoid lovemaking and your mate is withering away because of it. As long as shame and guilt drive you to seek out God's best, your love life will thrive,and you will maintain healthy discipline.
"You have the promise of being a great lover. lncorporate chatacter traits of being loving, honest, playful, forgiving, knowledgeable, and disciplined. Build real commiment. "Tune in to God's emotional signals of shame a and necessarry changes. As you become more disciplined, you actually will become more spontaneous and will have a more intimate, comfortable, sexual fulfillment. In a world of new techniques, bigger-is-better beliefs, and instant answers, it is difficult but truly rewarding to take the time and energy to improve yourself and your relationship. May you have wisdom and courage as you appreciate and comfort to God’s guidelines for great lovemaking.
AN INTIMATE MARRIAGE A MATURE LOVER = A FULFILLING SEX LIFE!
Time Out: Put your heads together and plan when and how often you are going to make love each week as you allow time for spontaneous sex into your intimate companionship.
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