Normally, most men will associate vulnerability with weakness. In general, due to any kinds of reasons - maybe our home situation, maybe childhood trauma, maybe our lack of expression of emotions of our parents, men are raised to withhold their emotions, to show weakness and to ignore any hint of introspection. Moreover, most of the popular dating advice encourages guys to be aloof, standoffish, judgmental and at times, scathing towards women.Men usually have a lot of negative assumptions about the idea of being more vulnerable and opening up to their emotions.
In fact, vulnerability shall be in a broad way, ranges from emotinal vulnerability to physical vulnerability and social vulnerability. Making yourself vulnerable doesn't just mean being willing to share your fears or insecurities. It can mean putting yourself in a position where you can be rejected, saying a joke that may not be funny, asserting an opinion that may offend others, introducing yourself to a group of people you don't know, telling a woman that you like her and want to date her. When you're doing those things, you're making yourself vulnerable.
In this way, vulnerability represents a form of power, a deep and subtle form of power. It's courageous, even. Most people think of man who’s vulnerable as a man who cowers in the corner and begs others to accept him or not hurt him. This is not vulnerability; this is surrender. It’s weakness.
Please compare two men as below. One stands tall, looks straight ahead. Looks people in the eye when he speaks to them. Says what he thinks and is comfortable if some people disagree with him. When he makes a mistake, he shrugs it off and apologies if necessary. When he sucks at something, he admits it. He’s unafraid to express his emotions, even if that means he gets rejected because of them sometimes. He has no problem moving on to people who don’t reject him, but instead like him for who he is.The second man hunches over, his eyes dart around and he is unable to look someone in the eye without getting uncomfortable. He puts on a cool persona that is always aloof. He performs. He avoids saying things that may upset others, and sometimes even lies to avoid conflicts. He’s always trying to impress people. When he makes a mistake, he tries to blame others or pretend like it didn’t happen.
Which one of these two men is more powerful? Which one is more vulnerable? Which one is more comfortable with himself? Which one do you think women would be attracted to.
Just like the first man,a man who is dependable, comfortable in his strengths and weakness, a man who can be counted on and who is likely to rise through the ranks and provide for his offsrping.He's likely to succeed and likely to be a dependable father. Women naturally will select to choose high-status men based on their non-neediness first, and then their looks and accomplishments second, since looks and accomplishments tend to be reflections of non-needy behavior, not the other way around. This non-needy behavior indicates a man who is comfortable with vulnerability, who isn’t afraid to express who he is to the world. This plays out in multiple areanas- in the life decisions he makes, the extent of his courage and the way he communicates to others.
Vulnerability is the path of true human connection and becoming a truly attractive person. As psychologist Robert Glover once said, “Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges.” Show your rough edges. Stop trying to be perfect. Expose yourself and share yourself without inhibition. Take the rejections and lumps and move on because you’re a bigger and stronger man. And when you find a woman who love who you are (and you will), revel in her affection.
Comment