People hardly realize that people often feel jealousy because of their own insecurity rather than the guilty actions of their partner. Your partner looks in the direction of someone prettier than you - you feel upset. What you should be feeling is flattered that he's with you. In the case of a man, if men are ogling your lady, then be flattered and make her feel special rather than letting your own insecurities make her feel like she did something wrong. Hereby, there are scenarios with jealousy below and let's see where jealousy damages a relationship wheareas trust makes a relationship stronger.
Scenaries with jealousy
Scenario No. 1 - Wife jealous because husband is spending extra time at work
Husband: I am so sorry I am late. The boss pushed me into doing all this paperwork at the last moment, and I lost track of time.
Wife: That’s hardly likely is it? I bet you have been seeing that girl from the office. Anyone seems better than me these days.
Result: Husband feels rotten and badly treated because she has no reason to accuse him. Wife feels rotten, too, and chances are that the two of them won’t talk for the rest of the evening. It may even tempt her husband to spend more time away from home because he hates her negative and accusing attitude. He may even be tempted to spend more time with the girl at the office because it’s certainly more pleasant than spending time with an accusing partner.
Scenario No. 2 -
Husband: I am so sorry I am late. The boss pushed me into doing all this extra work at the last minute, and I didn’t realize what time it was.
Wife: Oh my goodness, honey. There’s no need to apologize.
I know how hard you work. How about I run you a nice hot bath before you eat? That will help you to feel more relaxed.
Result: The wife hasn’t accused her husband of anything. She has reinforced the importance of his work and has shown the caring side of her nature. Even if the guy did notice the new secretary at work, he won’t cheat because he actually loves his wife and sees her as supportive and someone to look forward to going home to. In this case, he is going to feel guilty about the time spent away anyway, and he will have validation that his wife understands and is very supportive. That matters to someone, especially if work and home life balance isn’t there. It pays back dividends to be this supportive rather than accusatory.
In a relationship, if you feel jealous, your response to your partner will likely alienate him or her even more than you want it to. Learn to kill of jealousy because it will destroy you and destroy what is left of your relationship if you let it.
Attitudes towards jealousy
If you feel that problems exist because of some perceived behavior on the part of your partner, he or she may not be clear about what the boundaries are. If you take the critical stance, it hurts your relationship.
You: I saw you looking at her breasts, and I don't think you should do that. You are married to me.
You: I wish you wouldn’t keep looking at her legs.
These are very silly statements. Men will always look at women’s breasts or legs - married or not - and objecting shows that you are jealous of them and wish yours were better. In fact, this kind of insecurity is likely to be met with real resentment, so don't even try it. Try joking instead.
You: My boobs are better than hers!
That way, you approach the situation in a very positive and jovial manner. You are letting your partner know you noticed but that you have a lot of confidence in yourself and are not actually hurt by him looking. That's a much healthier approach. Learn, as a couple, where acceptable behavior begins and ends because jealousy can become an issue when the lines are blurred.
There is another way you can show your security in your relationship, and that's to notice first and point out what you think your husband may enjoy.Make sure you don't bring something like this up in a sarcastic manner as it suggests you're criticizing your husband, such as:
There's a pair of breasts like the ones you usually go for.
If there is an element of criticism in your voice, it won’t work, and it shows your jealousy off to your husband even more than had you said nothing. If you make a joke of it, you actually show your confidence while at the same time over-coming those feelings of jealousy quite nicely. He may also tend to look less because he knows that you noticed.
Jealousy can make you feel weaker and less important. You think to yourself:
•She is prettier than me.
•She is slimmer than me.
•She has more to offer than I do.
•She has a better shape than I do.
Unfortunately, what you don't realize when you make statements like this is that you are confirming these things over and over in your mind until you actually believe them to be the truth. Now, ask yourself the following：
•Who did my husband choose to marry?
•Who does my husband come home to at night?
•Who made promises to me and married me?
You need to repeat all the positive things to get rid of jealousy. People who are jealous come over as insecure, clingy, unhappy people who always have negative thoughts.
Positivity drives jealousy away
Feed yourself with positivity to drive jealousy away. Tell yourself that your husband loves you or that your wife loves you. See the positive things that you have done together, and recognize that these things are exclusive elements that were not shared with someone else. If you notice insecurity in your partner, it may be a good idea to bring up all of those times when the relationship was strong in order to get your partner to put jealousy back in its box.
In life, things are very straightforward. If you feed a relationship with negativity, it will fail. If you feed it with positive feedback, chances are that it will last. Instead of telling yourself that you are jealous, tell yourself how lucky you are to have a partner like the one you have, and show your partner in some small way how fortunate you think you are. It boosts their confidence to no end, and if they are thinking of looking elsewhere, this action may be enough for them to appreciate what they have rather than taking those thoughts further.
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